Sunday, November 16, 2008

Ponder This...

It is very interesting that researchers have found out that our predictions are, for the most part, either grossly underestimated or overestimated. Think about. Computers and the Internet? One started out as a way to speed up code-breaking operations and the other as a way for researchers and universities to share information. Both of those inventions have transformed the world we live in. On the other end of the spectrum is gross overestimations. The 'Space Age' is a good example. Right after the first human was blasted into space, the pundits started theorizing about a Moon colony by the year 2000. The only thing that we had on the moon by the year 2000 was a few pieces of space junk, flags and footprints. Unless they faked the whole thing of course.

This makes you think about current issues, take Climate Change for example. Some researchers hold the view that if no serious steps were taken in a hundred years the sea levels might rise by up to a few meters. This will have dire consequences on cities, world economy and natural resources. Clearly that's a very bleak scenario, the silver lining however is that this might be a case of overestimation (Space Age-style). But what creeps me out is what if this was an underestimation? What if just a 30 centimeter increase in sea levels will kick-off an unforeseen chain reaction that will tip the Earth into a modern-day ice age? Sure it's far-fetched, but I am pretty sure the dude who built the first 'computer' in a bunker in England to break ze German encryption didn't consider how in the future you'd use that very same device for porn.

On a totally different note, I hit elCairo this week. A game of uber risk is in order! AWOOO!

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

The Fluffy Post

So yeah, I have been tagged by Daily and I am now required, by article 5 of The Unwritten Code of Bloggers, to comply. Damn you Daily.

See, I have tried so hard to make this blog about things that I find strange, entertaining or just downright stupid. Therefore a list of ten things I am thankful for, will be a diversion. Then again, I don't want to be the dude who violates The Unwritten Code... not after what happened to that Vietnamese blogger. It was horrible, I still have nightmares about that. But that's a topic for another post.

I am thankful for:
1. My family, my friends and my interests in life.
2. Girl-on-girl porn.
3. Ale-ke-hole.
4. The dude who invented Risk (the board game).
5. Shroooooms.
6. Regular porn.
7. Baba Abdou. (mmmmmm.... sodo2)
8. Girl-on-girl porn. (I know! It's too good).
9. George W. Bush.
10. World peace.

Okay, okay, you got me. I am not THAT thankful for world peace, I ran out of ideas and I thought that squeezing in another girl-on-girl porn was going to be pushing it.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

The Blasphemous Post

I wonder if God is kool. All religions do a good job painting a picture of God as almighty and all-knowing. But is he kool? Because you see, if he is kool, he'd be kool in a Godly way. That is: Kool.

Probably the best way to check for God's koolness would be, unfortunately, after you die. After God has gone through your short list of good deeds, he'll start reading the other, longer one. How he reacts to this list will be a dead (huh? huh? see it's funny becuase you are dead... get it? *nudge *nudge) giveaway. If he's like: well, you didn't kill anyone, didn't rob a bank and never intentionally hurt anyone so you're alright (maybe gives you fist bump? oh sorry, a Godly fist bump). Then he's kool. If he'll bring up that time in 3rd grade when you had an extra cookie that technically "was not yours", he's not.

I have a feeling that God is kool. Of course if he is kool, he would also have an interesting sense of humor. I imagine that after he lets me into Heaven he'll add: Wait. Do you see this uber hot chikita over there? The one next to the pyramid of free donuts? Yes, I reply. You can not touch either, he adds.

Three minutes later I would be roasting in Hell's eternal fire thinking: That was totally worth it.

Note: This post was brought to you in collaboration with Munqy, who has also not been posting for a while since Jade promised us a revealing video if we did post on the same day. You can find proof here. Jade, now you have to do good on your promise.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Goto 10

It's interesting how personal websites are making a comeback now. You see, 10 years ago it was hip to have a personal website; there you maintained your pictures, contact info and you tried as hell to update it frequently. It never worked. A few years later and we suddenly have Blogger for your posts, Flicker for your photos and then Facebook for....hmmm...everything? So people abandoned their personal websites.

In a true Goto 10* fashion, more and more people are now bringing back their personal websites. It's retro and all. A genius came up with some scripts to import YOUR data from the various websites back into your new pimp'in (and dont forget retro) personal website. People suddenly realized the huge potential of those scripts. Suddenly you could have all YOUR data in YOUR personal website! That's gold! Of course, you need to keep maintaining your contact info on Facebook, your posts on Blogger and your tweets on Twitter. Not to mention that you need to implement all those tricky scripts that will import everything back to *ahm* your personal website?

errrr... don't you love it when technology makes our life easier?

*For the non-nerds, early programs used to label each line of code with a number. So the first line got 10 then 20 and so forth. 'Goto 10' became the equivalent of repeating or going back to where you started. So, next time you're out for a couple of beers with your kool non-nerdy friends, casually drop a Goto 10 comment. It's bound to make you -even more- unpopular.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Where is Kim?

It's a shame when people fail to live up to their expectations. You see, Kim Jong II didn't show-up at the 60th anniversary of North Korea's foundation and he is rumored to be ill. I don't get that. So here's a true dictatorship that -might- have a secret nuclear weapons program and feeds Nazi-style propaganda to its citizens daily about how the West is conspiring against North Korea and then Kim doesn't show-up?! Rookies.

So, for you North Korean intelligence folks who regularly follow my blog, couple of tricks:
Cancel the event: Flood the newspapers and the state TV with stories about how the CIA had a plot to assassinate the 'beloved leader' during the parade. Kim would then be transported to a safe facility until the threat has been stabilized. That would buy you a week or two to figure something out.

Not in the mood for a dramatic story that can get you some heat from the USofA? (that's assuming the US is not actually trying to assinate him? ouuuuuuuu.. think about that) ....*ahm*... sorry about that, so, here's a solid one that's known to work:

The double: Let's be honest, the dude wears scuba diving glasses for sunglasses. And yes, Asians all look alike. So bring in a dude who would do nothing but wave and sit there and look pretty. That's how true dictatorships run their business. Panzis.

No time to find a double? Well, I don't know. I haven't given it much thought. But for God's sake, in a country where TV is controlled by the state, why would you video a close-up that clearly shows that Kim is missing? Oh, and please brief your diplomats on what to say. Claiming that this whole thing is a "conspiracy plot" only works if you have a credible story or a picture of Kim holding today's newspaper.... which technically you guys could Photoshop... ugh.. I'm too good for this shit.

Monday, September 01, 2008

My Interesting Friends

This vacation, I spent some time with my creative friend aku. He works for an advertising agency and I was introduced to the fascinating, and at times chaotic, world of advertising. From designing a new packaging to coming-up with a TV ad story board. The most fun experience however was seeing the steps involved in coming up with a radio ad. First, finding the right jingle. A massive hunt across a monstrous music collection for the right song. When the song is located, the copywriter comes up with a variety of scripts that rhymes with the music and conveys the message of the ad. Then, demo time! Everyone in the office joins in a fun exercise of recording a rough version of the ad to preview with the client (note to self: voice modeling is definitely not for me, not with my fabulous 'r's). Finally, the fun part, the actual recording. After a demo is selected we booked a time at a professional studio and I watched as every track was recorded separately and later mixed. It's amazing how much work is involved in those 30-second radio ads! I have a new found appreciation for them.

Visiting the construction site that another friend manages was alarmingly fun too. Seeing the plans and the amount of thinking that goes into each and every detail. Also the amount of tests conducted to ensure that everything is done according to specification is just mind-blowing. I also got to learn interesting facts, for example, the sewage grid works by gravity! This meant that they had to design the whole internal sewage network with a slight tilt so that the lowest point is actually where the compound's internal sewage grid joins the main grid. And speaking about sewage, did you know that manhole covers can fetch three thousand EGP's ($600) a piece?! How I know? Well, I almost fell through an uncovered manhole near the construction site!

I have interesting friends.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Homosexual elCairo

Reading Elaswany's Yacoubian Building, I was surprised with the way he portrayed homosexuality in elCairo. I always felt it was very uncommon, but as I looked into this and talked with people who have gay friends, I realized that the homosexual community is alive and well. I'm fine with that, except with one thing. I find it very strange that many young men chose their sexuality without even having a chance of a healthy straight relationship.

Let me explain, I understand that many feel that you are either born straight or gay. Though I am not totally convinced with that, let's assume that's true for the argument's sake. So, assume a dude living in a Western country is born gay but still is confused about his sexuality. This dude will have the choice to try a healthy straight healthy relationship and see how things go, if all is well, great. If not, then he knows he's gay. That is clear to me and I'd respect that dude's choice.

Problem is, you can't really map this scenario to elCairo. It's a very conservative society and my gut feeling is that more than 90% of the population never have the chance for a healthy straight relationship before marriage. And by healthy I mean a couple, who have feelings for each other, having a physical relationship. So, no, buying your friend a hooker does not count. Therefore, the majority of the dudes who 'think' they are gay, will never -eitherway- get a chance to try out a healthy straight relationship.

So in a weird way, elCairo is like a big all-male prison for many of the young guys out there.Weak-minded, sexually frustrated and with no viable option for a healthy straight relationship, many drop their soap and take a deep breath. Sad, if you ask me.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Battle Plans: War of the Heavyweights

The uneasy peace that lasted since The Battle was finally lifting and the great Munqian, Ellcian and Feshfeshian arimes prepared for war. Much will be said about the epic battle that followed, but for now you can find Munqy's account of the War of the Heavyweights.

Monday, August 18, 2008

The Olympic Post

I love the Olympics, especially team sports. With those sports there's so much happening: performance of individual players, the team's strategy, the other team's strategy....etc. Even with one-on-one games, like Tennis, you get to watch the athlete's talent and how he/she reacts to the other player he/she is competing with.

But you know what I don't get? Single-player games. If you, an Olympic athlete, can't run the 100 meter in +/- 5% of the Olympic record, tell me again why are you here? Seriously? Okay, true story. I watched weightlifting the otherday and I believe the Olympic record was 185kg, which is really impressive seeing that the weightlifters where like 60kg. The dude who got the Gold medal (a little feisty Chinese dude) tried to lift 186kg and failed in his last attempt. That, makes sense. But when you look at the bottom half of the "Olympic athletes" who competed with him, you see that most of them failed to even lift 160kg in their last attempt?! Can someone explain this to me? With team or one-on-one games you can always say that the other team/athlete was better. But if you can't even come close to the Olympic record be it in running, swimming or weightlifting... what the hell are you doing here?

Only in Egypt

Why is it that 'Only in Egypt' became a cliche for backward things you find in Egypt? A few days ago I took a train from Alexandria to elCairo and I had a positive Only in Egypt experience.

The train was fully booked, so I got on the train and was hoping for an empty seat. As soon as I got in, I was greeted by 3am 3iesa who sensed I wanted a seat. 3am 3iesa is an employee of EgyptBahn and is basically the do-it-all-dude for the car I was in, from helping passengers with their bags and seats to opening the doors when we reach the station. 3am 3iesa quickly searched the car and then came back and sadly informed me that the car was full. I thanked him for trying and got my book out to start reading, but he quickly interrupted me and pointed to the makeshift seat he just put together for me. The seat was basically a greasy cylindrical train-part and ontop of it sat a small square piece of cardboard and it was propped-up in the tiny space between the door and the toilet.

For the next two hours, passerbys (who worked on the train) would greet 3am 3iesa and shake his hand and then quickly turn to me (since I was 'with' 3am 3iesa) and warmly shake my hands and welcome me too. Even the tea-and-coffee dude, who actually doesn't pass by the area I was sitting at, went out of his way to check if I needed a drink. When I asked for tea, he quickly asked: With mint?

That day I was reminded how in Egypt people are amazingly creative at adjusting. Propping-up a makeshift seat is a simple thing, but if you have lived in Egypt, you'd know how this mentality of 'adjusting to life' is everywhere. Be it the fact that cars and flats in Egypt are more expensive than in some parts of Europe, while salaries are but a fraction. Or the fact that Egypt has extremely modest medical and social security systems. Or the many other things.

Only in Egypt do people adjust to all of this.

Friday, August 15, 2008

elCairo BABY!

My belated bragging post. I'm chilling in elCairo, enjoying the weather, food, spending time with the family, meeting old and new friends. It's überkwel.

Pls expect the dismal blogging activity to continue till end of August.

Monday, August 04, 2008

The AntiApple Post

*Fesh pets his überPod.

Have you noticed how over the last few years Apple Fundamentalism has been on the rise? Former PCians are being converted en masse by fundamentalists who preach how their new Apple computer "changed their life". I came across one of the pamphlets those hard-line Applians use to recruit lost souls. The pamphlet highlights the five pillars of The Applian Doctrine:

1. God intended everything to be Apple, some lost their way.
2. Apple's OS has been coded by God. Line-by-line that is. So it's immaculate and error-free. It's blasphemous to claim otherwise.
3. God will smite any virus or worm if it attempts to infect an Apple machine.
4. You don't need to know why you want an Apple machine. You have to trust that it's the right thing for you. (a.k.a. the "La Tonakiesh Wala Togadel Ya Akh Ali" argument).
5. If you accept the Applian Doctrine, you need to convert 5 of your friends or God will turn you into a mouse. A two-button PC mouse, not one of those sexy Apple ones. Your choice.

So, even if you're a follower of The Enlightened One and hate The Great Satan, you have to admit that this is überkool.

Thursday, July 31, 2008

My 200th Post!

It's awards season once more! As it is customary I will be awarding my last 100 post fakey awards. You can see last year's awards here. Here goes:

Most Visually Disturbing Post co-awarded to: Bounce Fesh, Bounce & Pickled Eggs, Anyone?
Most Worrying Post awarded to: Salam, Brother & My Evil uberPod
Most Condescending Post co-awarded to: The Mars Hoax & The Stupidity of the Masses
Most Inappropriate Post awarded to: Can't Help It
Most Useful Post awarded to: Let the Anal Probing Begin!
Best Psychotic Series awarded to: Black Fesh 1.0, 2.0, 3.0, 4.0, 5.0. 6.0 & 7.0
Most Polska-specific Post awarded to: The Sand Nigger
Geekiest Post awarded to: Lord of the Fesh
Best Dilbert-style Post awarded to: Consider THIS!
Most Fesh-specific Post awarded to: The Touchy-Feely Bill
Most Potential to End Life on Earth awarded to: Wait For It..
Most Ingenious Concept awarded to: *EFPoC(tm) Moments

This year's Most Popular post, by number of comments, is awarded to: Blog Bitch! Blog!

Thank you and pls stay tuned for 2009's awards to be announced August 2009.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Grow Up, Will You?

The best thing I like about the personal status (say on Google Talk or Facebook) is that you get the most unexpected comments. One time I had in my status that I was driving on the autobahn and an old friend, who I didn't talk with for months, got in touch and he told me a couple of interesting stories about when he was in Germany. That's why I always try to have my personal status as 'stand-alone' as possible, so that people can read it, understand it and if they choose act on it. Of course we've all occasionally felt a tat philosophical and had our status message as an old Chinese proverb, it's okay.

What I don't understand though are people on my list who consistently have those very abstract comments in their personal messages like "Oh, yes I will." Sure, it's their personal status, so they can knock themselves out, but really, what's the intent? I could think of three:
1. To send a specific someone a message, because some of those messages seem very personal in nature but they are abstract enough for the rest of us not to understand. If people are twisted enough to do this (instead of, say, talk to the person?) then they are sick, seriously.
2. To have people contact them wanting to understand their personal message. This is sad. Luring people to have some interest in your pathetic, pathetic life? Really?
3. To entertain themselves. Hmmm.. need I say more?

I think I should drop those folks off my list. No wait, maybe I should first set my personal message to "I'm removing YOU from my list" and then drop them? Afterwards, I'd change my message to "Ironic, isn't it?" so that I can have my other friends ask me about it and then I get to tell that story to them before they drop me off their lists.

Note: Zeez, if you still read my blog, this post is inspired by your recent personal status! :)

Monday, July 21, 2008

The USofE - Take II

Oh I gloated when I read this article about Sarkozy saying that the Irish will have to vote again after they shot-down the Lisbon treaty back in June. Why? Because back in July I wrote this post.

Principally Sarkozy had no right to mandate that the Irish vote again, but I can't help but understand his position. Most of the reasons the no-campaign in Ireland used to reject the Lisbon Treaty were not actually valid concerns, but that's not the issue. The issue is that a big part of the no-voters actually voted this way for issues not related to the Lisbon Treaty. The fishermen wanted better terms and the farmers wanted more subsidies. So in essence the no-voters manipulated the system for their own benefit. And in in doing so they derailed a very delicate EU-wide process.

If a government abuses its powers, just like what the Irish no-voters did, it would be quickly called a dictatorship and everyone would rally against it. But what happens if the citizens abuse their rights? Nothing, they will eventually be asked to vote again. Ironic isn't it?

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Wait For It...

So CERN is getting ready to fire up its Doomsday Device in August. How do you think the thriving underground world of doomsday cults is preparing for this, obviously, very relevant event?

Friday, July 18, 2008

The Story Behind the News

Whenever I read a piece of news, I always wonder the story behind it. So today I read this:
reduced its oil supplies to the Czech Republic by half for “technical reasons”. The cut came just after the Czechs agreed to host an American missile-defence radar. Strangely, the technical reasons did not affect oil supplies to any of the Czechs’ neighbours.

Which, you have to admit, is really kool. In my opinion, it takes more balls to pull something like that off than to openly threaten another country. Open threats have lost their appeal. Iran is threatening the US and Israel and the West is threatening Zimbabwe and realistically nothing is happening. So in my head here's how Russia's oil stunt actually happened:

*Mr. Medevedev is sitting on a large throne in the middle of a huge hall in the Kremlin draped in a black cloak. He is at the rightmost tip of the scene. A Kremlin trooper enters the scene running from the left and the camera zooms in to always keep both him and Mr. Medevedev at both ends of the scene. The trooper stops a few meters from the throne and gets down on one knee, Mr. Medevedev does not move.

Kremlin Trooper: Ma'Lord, I have news from from the Czech rebel base.
Emperor Medevedev: Speak..
Kremlin Trooper: The Czech rebels have agreed to host a part of the American missile defense shield.
Emperor Medvedev: Putin, what do you plan to do about this?
*Putin, who was standing in the shadow behind Emperor Medvedev's throne, enters the scene as the Kremlin Trooper leaves. Putin is wearing a distinctive head gear.
Darth Putin: I'll take care of it. Maybe a "problem" would hit the Czech's supply lines.
Emperor Medevedev: Gooooood, Gooooooood

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

The Shameful Post

So Munqy tagged me and I must admit the main thought running thru my mind while reading his list was that mine is going to be shorter.... ugh..... it's gym class all over again...*ahm*. So here's the deal, on those categories where my knowledge of the field is equivalent to my proficiency in the accursed Frozen Wastelandeese tongue I've left them empty because really I have no clue. On the other categories I picked the most recent work that caught my attention, so call it my 'current favorite'.

Monday, July 07, 2008

Happy Feshday: 27

The world celebrates today the Feshday. I have a very good feeling about this Feshday, I feel turning 27 is going to usher in a new Fesh! Oh and interestingly I did some research and seems the Feshday is celebrated elsewhere in the world! For example in Tanzania, Ukraine and Japan!

Saturday, June 28, 2008


A few months ago I started working with our inhouse Catbert (all hail the evil director of human resources) on instituting a policy for foreigners working in the Frozen Wastelands to be able to go back to their home country and work from there for a temporary period. My rational was simple. Foreigners go back home see friends and family. So after the initial week off you start getting bored since all your friends are eitherway at work, hence my reco for having this policy.

Though I tried to be as logical as possible, still Catbert shot down most of the material and data I shared. Having exhausted all possible channels I decided to unleash the most potent of my weapons: Islamophobia. You see, we have one Muslim dude here who has been very vocal about having this policy since he wants to spend Ramadan in Egypt, which is a fair request.

So, we get into a meeting and this dude presents his case and I quote: "I can't spend Ramadan here, since Ramadan now is coming in Summer, which means I will have to fast from 2am till 10pm, which I can't do". Catbert politely asked a few follow-up questions to understand why so and then she understood that the fasting is linked to sunrise and sunset. And then Catbert's tone totally changed and she seemed to have developed an understanding for the need for this policy.

I was surprised how Catbert, a Frozen Wastelander, didn't object to the dude's claim that sunrise in the Wastelands is at 2am and sunset is at 10pm? Yes, the Wastelands is a northern country but 4 hours of darkness (in September?!) is more of North Pole territory! And just to be sure I did some surfing and here are the actual numbers:

1. For Cairo, and during September, the length of day starts at 12h 45mins and goes down to 11h 53 mins. Full listing here.
2. For the Wastelands, also during September, the length of day starts at 13h 35mins (only 50 mins more than Cairo) and drops to *drum roll* 11h 39m... yess ladies and gents..14 full mins shorter than the fasting time in Cairo! Full listing here.

Oh Islamophobia .... what can't you do?

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

The Age of Information

Remember the good old days when all the statistics you got about a football match came after the match ended in the form of a simple table that listed four or five measures like: goals, cards, fouls, shots on goal? ah... I yearn for such days. Over the last few World Cups, I learned to accept that the statistics became more intrusive, often creeping into the screen in the middle of a good play, just to distract you. I also learned to accept how stalkerishly individual the stats became. Every now and then they'd show you how many shots a certain player did or fouls, it's cool.

Watching the Euro 2008 nowadays, I feel the organizers decided to take it to the 'Oh-yeah-we-can-calculate-THAT' level. Whenever a player is being substituted they'd show, along with the normal stats, those two annoying ones:
1. Passes Complete: 95 (79%). Why? Eitherway we don't see this stat for all the other players? And not to mention it doesn't tell us anything. He could have a low passing accuracy but passed a few brilliant passes that got the team their goals. And how are they calculating this? Is it automated or do they have a poor soul watching each player and counting (using an abacus) all passes and which of them is successfully completed and which is not?
2. Distance: 8.91km. Okay, for their own sakes, I hope that they have a GPS bug on all players that is reporting that because if they are calculating that any other way then they are truly showing off.

And if they have the technology (or the cheap abacus-using labour) why don't they put it to work on on some of those ideas:
For defenders:
- Untruthfully raising hand to claim last attack was offside (as %)
- Untruthfully claiming it's a goal kick not a corner kick (as %)
- Pretending it was a foul (as a %)
- Taking a dive for a penalty (as a %)

See the kool thing about those stats is that gradually they'll start to taint players who keep lying on the field. Not to mention, as more and more of those stats will be needed, I'll get into the abacus business and make billions of dongs! I'll then build a 3am dahab vault and swim in a sea of dongs....ah...that's the dream. And no, it's not gay. Not at all.

Monday, June 09, 2008

Give Us Their Heads! Or Their Balls!

As it is customary, the Frozen Wastelands landed in the same group as Germany, just like in the world cup. The couple have an itchy relationship not only on the pitch but off it too. Like last year's comments by the, often comedic, Wastelands president at an EU meeting about how his country would have more voting power if it weren't for Nazi Germany... errr... I bet the room fell silent after what he said, well technically after what the translator said. So in honor of what this newspaper calls 'bitter nationalism' and ahead today's opening game for both teams, a Wastelandees tabloid published a disgusting article that pictured the Wastelandees coach carrying the decapitated heads(!) of Germany's captain and coach?! Under the picture it read: Give Us Their Heads! Well, I can understand the wastelandees frustration seeing that they never won any game against Germany. But decapitated heads, with blood dripping and all, is maybe, just maybe, taking it too far.

So, as it is also customary, the Wastelanders had their asses handed over to them by Ballack et al. But the real fun moments of the match were those:
1. A wastelander defender stepping on Germany's striker's balls (yeap with the football shoes that have the pointy-metal things at the bottom ..OUCH) and objecting to the referee's free kick?! Dude, you probably popped one of his jewels, the least you could do is let him limp his way to a free kick in peace?!
2. This "Polish" player coming into the field in second half-time...err.. initially I was like, wait that's the Euro2008, right? Not Champions League? But turns out he's 100% "Polish"... amazing! : )

Thursday, June 05, 2008


I came across this video which was the highest rated video on for the last week, so I thought it's worth watching. I was wrong. Without ruining the video for you, it introduces this conspiracy to turn the internet to be run like cable (with packages of websites for a certain monthly fee) vs. the current set-up. I didn't do any research on the claims in the video, but even if they have some truth to them, I'm surprised how it's always easier, much easier, to blow any potential issue out of proportion than give it its right size. There's always something on the news about how Climate Change will wipe humans off the surface of the Earth or how back in the Cold War, a minor glitch can bring on a nuclear holocaust...etc. The most annoying part of those over-dramatizations is way they undermine what we, humans, are capable of. It's true that we have drove ourselves into a few pitholes, but if you look at our history those were the exceptions. Personally, I choose to have faith in our capabilities.

One of my earliest posts was about how oil will never run out. It's impossible for me to believe that we will sit there and drain the last droplet of oil with a big straw. Just equally impossible for me to buy was that Y2K was going to destroy us or that the Internet, as we know it, will end in 2012. Why? Well, specifically when it comes to technology, the world has seen this before. The operating system monopoly Microsoft had in the early 90's? It just took one man to start the Linux/open source revolution that changed the game. How about when Yahoo/Hotmail started squeezing your email inboxes and trying to make you pay (maybe like cable?) for higher capacity? Along came Google and changed the game and now everyone offers free 5GB-10GB email accounts. Why should we assume that the millions (or is it billion(s)?) of people who connect to the internet daily will sit there and let some corporations, however big they are, tell them how to use the internet? I read somewhere that Google has been buying alot of unused fiber and constructing a network across the US. Can you imagine the amount money Google can make if they offer "free" access to this network, in case those other evil providers implement this doomsday scenario explained in the video? Everyone will switch to the Google's network (Gnet, if you wish) overnight. And if Google didn't do it, someone somewhere will and that person will be the richest man on Earth. It's that simple.

Yes, I choose to have faith in our collective ingenuity. And I loath those who think that without them, and their armature videos, however hawt the anchor's cleavage is, the world will end.

Saturday, May 31, 2008

Let the Anal Probing Begin!

I'm sure you've heard about this. A hunter-gatherer tribe discovered that has had no contact with the outside world! Technically speaking the majority of the world was at this (and I'll use the wrong word here, for lack of a more expressive one) "evolutionary" stage before the rise of agriculture. We're talking pre-6th century BC! I'm sure anthropologists worldwide are organizing bitchin' parties now to celebrate this find, though the article says that NGOs are trying to keep those tribes uncontactable. I can understand that. Bringing them suddenly in contact with the world can threaten their way of life.

But how about if we ease them into a 'contact' with us? For example:
1. We get the best and brightest of Hollywood directors to stage a UFO landing near the tribe's camp. A silver spaceship lands at nigh and three humans descend from it claiming that they come in peace ....from the future!
2. We then experiment on how could two very different civilizations can communicate? Should we use pictures? exchange tools? music?
3. We analy probe some of them. I'm not sure why, but since aliens keep doing it to our abductees, then I'm sure it's the 'hip' thing to do now when it comes to making contact and all.
4. We offer to take their leader to our World Headquarters on the Moon. Then we release him (with his bow and arrow) in the middle of Manhattan. I'm sure that would be a killer reality show that one of the major networks would totally sponsor.
5. Finally, we destroy their camp with big laser guns! No, no... of course I'm kidding. We keep that for Iraq.

Thursday, May 29, 2008


I came across this quote by Neil Gaiman:

"It does help, to be a writer, to have the sort of
crazed ego that doesn't allow for failure. The best reaction to a rejection slip is a sort of wild-eyed madness, an evil grin, and sitting yourself in front of the keyboard muttering 'Okay, you bastards. Try rejecting this!' and then writing something so unbelievably brilliant that all other writers will disembowel themselves with their pens upon reading it, because there's nothing left to write. Because the rejection slips will arrive. And, if the books are published, then you can pretty much guarantee that bad reviews will be as well. And you'll need to learn how to shrug and keep going. Or you stop, and get a real job."

This should be every writer's prayer. Writers want people to read what they have to say. They even want their writing to influence how people perceive the world around them. So it's no wonder that writers (and other creative professionals for that matter) take a lot of pride in what they do.

Personally, I must say this quote summarizes exactly how I feel after writing a good post or article. The overinflated ego, the feeling that this is the most brilliant piece of writing ever and even the evil grin! Hell, if I could afford a thunder/lightning machine, I'd install one at my place and turn it on right after posting/publishing anything and hiss:

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

The USofE

I've always been a fan of the EU and I continue to be impressed by the progress it has made in such a short period of time. So a few months back I started reading more about the EU and it's history. To be honest with you, I was looking for the catch. Nothing is perfect. So I came across the common things you hear in the news: expansion hiccups, domination by big nations (e.g. Germany) and no unified foreign policy (e.g. the Iraq war).

The EU constitutional treaty, a treaty that was supposed to place a common constitution in Europe and instead was rejected by French and Dutch national referendums, caught my attention. Something about it seemed fishy. Reading more about it, turns out it was pretty comprehensive, the Eurocrats wanted to go for 99.9% but that was too much so the voters rejected it. What happened next was an elaborate plan, the EU leaders signed the Lisbon treaty which is basically 80% of the constitutional treaty (calling for a permanent EU president among other things), but did it in a clever way that makes it ratifiable (if that's a word) by the national parliaments, except in Ireland, so that they don't risk another No.

Here's a story from Egypt: our constitution didn't have popular vote for the office of president. The way it worked was for the national parliament to nominate and vote for president. If the nominee didn't get a certain majority, I believe they had to repeat the procedure and if it's still the same issue then they go to popular vote. Growing-up I always saw the president getting 99.9%. In 2005, this changed due to various internal and external forces and the presidential vote became a popular one. The president won by 88%, after he had to run a campaign and explain his 6-year plan and run commercials in the TV. Something which didn't happen before.

See, it would be wrong of me to compare the EU to Egypt, clearly Egypt has a lot to learn from the EU. But it's a disturbing thought that wherever you live, even if in some of the most democratic countries in the world, all votes can be equal but some will always be more equal than others. Be it the Eurocrats or the ruling party's old guards.

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Wastelandees Cultural Evening

So yeah, a friend took me to a Wastelandees Cultural Evening and it was really interesting. I sat thru my first Polish movie, which was without subtitles, produced in the 70's and "funny". I know. That was like a goldmine, tiny blog postlets kept popping-up in my head every 10 seconds! But unfortunately we didn't watch the whole thing. Pity. Oh and I listened live to the Wastelands' equivalent of Led Zeppelin! They had some nice music going on, I must say. The weather wasn't that great, but overall was very interesting experience!

By the way, did you notice how virtually all 70's movies, doesn't matter where they were produced, look exactly the same? Men in pale-colored suites and those thick-rimmed eyeglasses, women with those pointy eyeglasses and the same white/black/blue Chevys? This Wastelandees movie I watched looked exactly like any Egyptian or American 70's movie I've seen. Weird, han? I don't think it's the same for say 90's movies. I don't know why.

Saturday, May 17, 2008

The Baker

Unlike cooking, which I knew I'd be horrible at, I somehow knew that I'd be a good baker (maybe it's because I'm addicted to the scent of freshly baked bread?). So I always wanted to try and bake bread. But in a second thought, I decided that my first baking experience should be a cake and not bread. See, with cake you could always claim that this "charcoal aftertaste" is your signature in pastries, but with bread that would be hard to sell. So after several trips to the supermarket and a lot of online articles there was only one thing to do: call my mother. My mother is my cooking guru and I'm her slowest apprentice. She is always trying to give me tips on cooking that I always forget and I end up calling her when one of my failed cooking experiments go horribly wrong. So after calling her and getting some pointers, I was ready, let the baking begin!

I give you the one, the only, the uber gingerbread cake:

...oh and in case you were wondering, it tastes as good as it looks! YEAH! Hail me, for I am The Baker*.

*I highly recommend the movie by the way!

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Obama's Appeal

I'm sure this was noted elsewhere before, but today I realised why Obama is so appealing as a presidential candidate. And no it's not his message of hope, charisma or the fact that he's a historic candidate. It's what he's not.

The current president was born to a wealthy family and a father who was himself a US president. Though a privileged child, I'm going to take a wild guess and say G.W.Bush was not a bright student. Just a hunch. Also as president he led the US into an extremely unpopular war and secured a historic low for himself when it comes to approval ratings as a US president. Enter Obama who was born into a simple family, with his father as a Kenyan immigrant. Though not as privileged as elpresidente currento, Obama turned out real good. A law degree from Yale, a place in the Senate and a couple of bestselling books he authored under his belt. As a politician he is against Bush's unpopular war in Iraq and he is for dialogue with nations that the current administration decided to pretend they don't exist, something that worked real well for G.W. when he was in 4th grade and couldn't get along with a gang of Syrian, Iranian and North Korean bullies.

So in short, Obama is simply the exact opposite of the buffoon who currently resides in 1600 Pennsylvania avenue!
*Fesh pauses for his dramatic revelation to sink in with the crowd... nothing.

Okay, okay, let's try a different approach, he's the one to bring balance to the Force?
*crowd bursts into cheers.

Friday, May 09, 2008

The Smalltalkers

I stopped smalltalking a long time ago. Just because we are waiting for the water to boil in a kitchenette does not justify someone asking me how my weekend was, at least for me. Of course, the smalltalkers would claim they are being nice and thoughtful and caring...bla bla bla. You know what I say? They lack self-confidence, the thought of standing there for 30 seconds with someone they don't know that much and NOT exchanging pleasantries is terrifying for them and they'll do anything to break that silence.

So, if your office swarms with the annoying smalltalkers here's the top 3 rude ways to get them to stop or at least to annoy them a bit:
1. Develop a short, cold reply for the typical smalltalk questions. Mine is: Good, Good.
2. Develop a gesture that is equivalent to 'Hi, how are you?', but since it's non-verbal it is not inviting for a conversation.
3. And that's the hardest one to do, never ask the same question back to the smalltalker. Smalltalkers, like parasites, are opportunists and if given the slightest chance for a conversation they'll jump on it and babel-on, until their coffee is ready and then they'll run of course.

Note: This post was inspired by Dipty's

Thursday, May 01, 2008


I read this story today and I had some mixed feelings about it:
  1. I was happy that environmental awareness is alive and well in Egypt.
  2. I was sad that a chemical plant was 'discovered' after the construction already started? I am sure in Egypt's bureaucracy that there's a billion and one documents to be signed, didn't anyone discover that this plant can't be built that close to the city?
  3. I was also sad of this selective environmental awareness, 90% of the cars in Damietta (I know, I was there once) leave behind them this black smoke cloud becuase their exhaust system was last checked in 1968. Why is it so easy to come out and protest others with a 'noble' message such as protecting the environment and not care about your car's impact?
  4. I was deeply disturbed that for any issue to be resolved, the head of the Egyptian Parliament (and I assume the President too) need to get involved?! Isn't there a hierarchy of 13 trillion bureaucrats under the head of the Egyptian Parliament who could defuse such issue? Has the government turned into a crying baby who has to run to mummy whenever there's an issue?
  5. I couldn't help my skepticism. Really? so Egyptians left the fact that Egypt's cities are one of the most polluted, the sectarian violence that is tearing us apart, the messed up economy, the skyrocketing unemployment, the "democratic kingdom" we have, the fact that ordinary people can't afford bread anymore and decided to marched against a petrochemical factory that's being built by a Canadian industry leader?
I'm not saying they shouldn't have come out to protest that factory, they should, they stood up for what they believe for and that's great. I'm just skeptic that the first protest I hear about from Damietta is about that and not the ever-increasing list of horrible things Egypt is facing.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Pickled Eggs, Anyone?

I haven't tasted pickled eggs yet, but I have a very strong feeling that the first time I do they'll taste horribly bad. When I say horribly bad I mean two orders of magnitude more horrible than eating a piece of your own liver. Which has been rotting in the sun for 12 hours. And a dog peed on it 4 hours ago.

So today as I was having my breakfast, that surprisingly didn't even include eggs in any shape or form, I wondered how would be the experience of eating my first pickled egg? Is it possible it could be as horrible as I think? And if it was, will I be happy with my newly acquired skill of predicting the taste of a food? Or would I be traumatised by the thought that a rotten piece of my liver that has been peed on would have probably tasted much better than what I just ate? What if I actually liked it? How would I be able to look myself in the eye everyday and tell myself that I can't possibly eat a rotten piece of my liver? I misjudged pickled eggs, didn't I?

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Evolutionary Fesh

"Evolution is a theory. It is also a fact. And facts and theories are different things, not rungs in a hierarchy of increasing certainty. Facts are the world's data. Theories are structures of ideas that explain and interpret facts. Facts do not go away when scientists debate rival theories to explain them. Einstein's theory of gravitation replaced Newton's, but apples did not suspend themselves in mid-air, pending the outcome. And humans evolved from ape-like ancestors whether they did so by Darwin's proposed mechanism or by some other yet to be discovered"

I'm a fanatic evolutionist, I believe life, intelligent or not, exists elsewhere in the universe. So it's no surprise that I usually get into hot debates with people, educated people, about evolution and sadly they almost always voice pathetic objections to the theory of evolution, here are the top two:

1. Evolution is at odds with religion.
I respect people choosing to believe that the world was created as explained in the Holy Books: in 7 days with humans created directly by God. What I don't respect is people claiming that the theory of evolution is wrong because it claims that we evolved without having God in the picture. Evolution is just the tip of our understanding of how we got here. Our current scientific understanding begins with a single moment, the moment of the Big Bang. There's no time before it and there is no explanation of how this moment came to be, sounds familiar? Yes, that's the creation moment according to science. Science and Religion do not disagree on whether there was a creation moment or not, they simply differ on when it was! Agree with whichever version you like, but don't dismiss science as Godless.

2. If it is true, why are we not evolving anymore?
The short answer is that we are evolving, just slowly. You need to factor in that based on fossil evidence humans started evolving from chimpanzees around 5-8 million years ago. Mind you that currently the difference in DNA sequence between a chimpanzee and a human is ONLY 5%. Think about that, it took 5 million years for 5% change in DNA. So of course you can't spot OUR evolution because our total documented history is little less than 10,000 years. But to answer your question in insects like the fruit fly, where the average generation lifetime is a lot shorter, evolution has been spotted in various lab experiments. Google it.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

The Return of Das Iron Fesh!

I've been off my weight training for a while now mainly because of back trouble. But I'm back baby! Last Friday I marched into the gym with my work-out playlist ready on my uberPod and all!

Of course I spent yesterday, sore like hell, in bed. But I'm off to the gym again now... woho! Oh and I revisited my new year's resolutions and I'm doing quite well on 4 out of the 7. Another woho!

Thursday, April 10, 2008

An Old Friend

Today I caught up with an old friend. I always enjoy talking with him, he is everything that I am not, yet on some level we are similar. We talked about a lot of things, I updated him with my news and he did the same. I hogged the conversation more and subconsciously tried to impress a person I admire and look up to. When we were almost done he shared with me one piece of advise, he said: Remember you can revisit your choices as you want, but never regret them.

It's amazing how an old friend not only can see right through you but also can give you the advise you need the most. I needed this advice badly and he knew that. I'm the kind of person who regularly revisits his choices and always obsesses about 'what if?'. I try to quantify costs of my wrong choices believing that by doing so I am learning from my mistakes. While in fact I am regretting something that I can not change, something that I should learn from rather than regret. It's amazing how stating the obvious can make you stop. And think.

Thanks old friend.

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Game Sa3ayda

I used to play Estimation alot back during school and university days. It's a card game for four players and the objective is that each player estimates exactly how many hands they'll get depending on their cards. The interesting thing is that you lose if you get more or less hands, the only way to win is that you get exactly the number of hands you asked for. And since there are 13 hands in total, the sum of the hands that the four players will estimate can't be 13. This rule is there to ensure that at least one out of the four players will lose. Every couple of weeks or so we'd get a game that we called 'Game Sa3ayda' (loosely translated: Fool's Game). This game meant that all four players lost, so some ended up with more hands they asked for and some got less.

I'm no expert on global economy but couldn't help but notice the resemblance. Consumers are screwed, companies are screwed, big banks are screwed, governments are screwed, the American economy is screwed and the European and Asian stock markets are in the red? Is there anyone gaining anything from this? I can understand that one country would have a recession and its currency and economy will plummet. But how could we have designed such an elaborate global economic model that simply allows everyone to lose? That's one hell of a Game Sa3ayda.

Monday, April 07, 2008

Leave It Alone...

I'm appalled by all the assaults on the Olympic torch during its relay in the name of human rights in China and/or Tibet. Though the Olympic games is an international apolitical forum, it was used in the past to make political statement in much more appropriate ways. Athletes and governments have historically boycotted games and of course there is the infamous Black Power salute of the '68 games that continues to be a moving memorial to the civil rights movement.

So why violently attack the torch bearers and try to extinguish the torch? Isn't it ironic that those violent acts are committed in the name of Tibet, a notoriously peaceful nation? With the world as messed up as it is today, do we really need to sabotage one of the few last reasons to celebrate humanity?

Sunday, April 06, 2008

The Challenge of Communication

I'm not one of them anal folks who constipate when they read a grammatically incorrect sentence or a misspelled word..

*Mean look at Munqy.

That's because I suck at both spelling and grammar and more importantly I value 'the big picture'. I don't mind a misspelled word here or there if I can clearly understand the writer's intentions. The language, to me, is only a means of conveying the more valuable concepts and opinions. I do cringe though when people just pee all over 'the big picture' and here's a good example, the English is a bit Frozen Wastelandees but bare with me:

[...] is the company caring about the environment every day. Every day for our sheet of papers dies many trees. Due to this fact we would like to recommend you how to economize this losses in better solution of printing your documents. Step 1: First, before printing think about the trees, Step 2: [...] Step 3: [...] Step 4: If it is possible use douplex printing. Additionally, less printed papers- lower costs and less paper on your desks and in your bag.

The 'big picture' here is that now we have double-sided (duplex) printing at the office and we should use it. But the message does everything to lose the reader on an idea that practically sells itself, for example:
  • Starting with the guilt trip about how for our paper many trees die is too cliche. Those who care are already not wasting paper and those who don't won't read this line and have an epiphany, quite their jobs and join Greenpeace.
  • Moving from a pointless rambling introduction to bullet-point is great. Having the first bullet being 'think about the trees before you print' is...err.. Goto 10?
  • Keeping your main point (duplex printing) to the last point doesn't make sense. Everyone is busy (or acts like it) so hiding your main point wouldn't help.
  • Finally, keeping probably the biggest advantage of duplex printing (less paper on your desk and in your bag) as the last line in your 1-page message... hmm... Goto 30?
Communications, especially in The Corporate Dens of Evil, should cut to the chase. This message could have the same effect if not better if it were sent like this:

All, now we have duplex printing (i.e. double-sided printing). It's fast, it's simple and it does not waste paper. That means less mess on your desk, less weight in your bag and less damage to the environment. Please use it.

Friday, April 04, 2008

The Band's Visit

I watched 'The Band's Visit' yesterday and was extremely impressed. The anti-Israeli propaganda is alive and well in Egypt with Israelis, who have to be named David or Cohen, always portrayed as evil. And although I haven't watched Israeli movies, I assumed it would also be littered with anti-Arab messages.

The Band's Visit, an Israeli movie about an Egyptian musical band that travels to Israel, was a pleasant surprise to me as didn't go down the path of the cliche mutual hatred or the cheesy political symbolism like most movies, of the same kind, usually do. On the other hand, the movie is a take on what's common between a typical person from Egypt and another from Israel. I remember reading about a speech by a US president, probably Reagan, during the Cold War where he talked about how if a US citizen and a Soviet one met, they'd find a lot more in common between them. Watching this movie gave me the same feeling. It's a pity that very few people in Egypt, and the Arab world, would see it thought. As you might have guessed it's not showing anywhere I know of in the Arab world.

I just hate it when a much-needed step, however small it may be, towards mutual understanding is ignored like that.

P.S: Kudos to Dipty for recommending

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Random Fesh

I've been tagged by Munqy and Nora to do this 10 random things you might not know about me. Here goes:

1. I don't appreciate hand-shaking for the sake of hand-shaking. If we are friends and I saw you yesterday, I wouldn't want to shake your hand when I meet you today. The concept of hand-shaking should be restricted to formal introductions. Oh and to top it off, I'm highly untouchy-unfeely.

2. I have the weirdest turn-on: dark pants that have thin white stripes. They drive me crazy regardless of whether the chickita wearing them is hot or not.

3. You know those drying machines in public toilets that have a roll of cloth and you're supposed to pull them, dry your hand and then leave them to be automatically rolled back in? I'm positive there is something sinister about them, don't know what it is, but I assure you I'm onto them.

4. I have an evil uberPod that regularly taunts me by its sarcastic music choice.

5. I FIFO everything in my kitchen: water bottles, fruits, yogurt...etc anything has to be consumed in the order it was purchased.

6. I have a tendency to 'fight the system' when I'm treated unfairly. I do that even if I don't have the slightest chance to win, it's not wining that matters to me, it's causing the most harm as I go down that does. Some say I'm stubborn others say I'm plain stupid. I like to think I'm a pain in the ass if treated unfairly.

7. I worship the number 7 and 2007 was MY YEAR.

8. I once peed on someone, and no she wasn't bitten by a jelly fish.

9. I consider Mojito a gay drink.

10. I have watched every episode of Simpsons, Family Guy, Futurama and South Park at least twice.

Next I tag Dipty and Eureka.

Monday, March 17, 2008

In the Year 2525..

...If man is still alive, If woman can survive, They may find...". Did you know that this song by Zager and Evans was on top of the charts when Neil Armstrong was landing on the moon in 1969? Very interesting. Anyhoo, I don't know why this song jumped to my head when I first got this event invite on Facebook the other day.

Before I tell you about this invite, let me take a step back and tell you about the Frozen Wastelanders obsessive-compulsive need to plan everything well in advance. It's really extreme here, I'm talking "booking-your-wedding-date-and-time-2-years-in-advance" weird. I can definitely see the upside of extreme planning. Your week becomes very organized since you know when you're going out and with whom. Personally, I have been managing projects for the last 5 years and I managed to keep the majority on track over the course of months and sometimes years thanks to planning. But I chose to do less planning when it comes to trivial things in life like going out for a movie or a house party. A life that is planned 5 days in advance is one too boring for me, I prefer more spontaneous people and plans.

But of course you can't be spontaneous on your own here in the Wastelands, believe me, I tried. First few weeks here, I called people up on Saturday evening to check out what we'll be doing. Nothing. People were already booked for extremely simple things for the next few days if not a week or so in advance! So I learned that in order to get on people's calendars for a movie night, I probably need to contact them a week in advance. You live and learn.

Which takes me to the Facebook invite I mentioned earlier. I got used to getting invites for house parties 1-2 or even 3 weeks in advance, which is okay. So the other day I get an invite 2 months and half in advance. Yes an invite that is 10 weeks in advance. An invite that gives you 20% of the year as a notice. And no, it's not an invite for a wedding in Hawaii, where the lead time would be needed to try and fish for a bargain ticket, it's an invite for a birthday party on a Saturday afternoon at a dude's place? I didn't know how to process it. I couldn't accept or decline it, unlike everyone else I don't know what I'll be doing for the next 10 Saturday nights.

I know, I'm pathetic, don't look at me.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Salam, Brother..

I despise trend-whores. You know the ones who'll jump on anything new and pick it up whether it suites them or not? In the two years I've spent here in the Frozen Wastelands I've noticed that as a percentage of the total population, the trend-whores are a very big chunk. Actually they are such a big group that there's a slang term to describe them. It's choco. Unfortunately, turns out it's not a derogatory term like I hoped, but rather meaning how hip and kwel you are. Ugh.

One of the more interesting trends that caught on here is wearing a keffiyeh (in Egyptian-Arabic it's more of a koffieyh, but I went with how WikiGod has spelled it). And not any keffiyeh, the trademark checkered one. It's interesting because in the last 40+ years the checkered keffiyeh was made famous by the late Palestinian leader Arafat and became a worldwide symbol of the Palestinian cause. More recently with the Intifadas the keffiyehs made their way to universities worldwide and came to represent a political statement: solidarity with the Palestinian cause. It's very sad to see such a powerful symbol turned into a kwel trend and none of the trend-whores prancing around wrapped in it understand its real meaning.

But on a more practical note, tell if I could pull this off. I let my beard go, put on my keffiyeh and my kaki pants and a black shirt. I also stuff my alarm clock (which has this big digital red display) into my backpack and put it on countdown mode. Then, I roam the streets here till I find one of them trend-whores, I approach him and speak in a very broken English, with a heavy Arabic accent:

Brother Fesh: Brother, Salam... I see you are one of us?
*point to his keffiyeh
Wastelander Brother: Przepraszam? (Frozen Wastelandees for 'Excuse me?')
*hold his keffiyeh and mine and explain
Brother Fesh: We, together...BOOM! BOOM! *throw my hands in the air..

If he still didn't pee his pants or run away, I'll open my backpack very slowly and give him a peek at the bold red digits slowly counting down.

Monday, February 25, 2008


I hate gifts, they hate me back and we have this thriving mutual disrespect. I overthink gifts, I keep thinking about the pros and cons of every gift idea and at the end I can't decide which is really the best one. This issue only happens when I'm giving gifts, with me I know exactly what I need *Fesh pets his uberPod*.

So, back in December we were having this traditional Frozen Wastelandees Christmas dinner at work. As the Wastelanders enjoyed their cold fish, coated with gelatin and smothered with pig fat, I imagined myself at my happy place (Burger King) and tried to kill time by trying to guess the gender of the person from the present they got. We were doing this secret Santa thing where each person gets a gift and then we redistribute them randomly. Here are my observations:
  • Two small Christmas tree decorations put in a small paper bag. => Guy present.
  • A Festive paperbag with a mug (which in turn was wrapped in a different gift wrapping) inside and then inside the mug a little plastic bag with 3 small Christmas tree decorations. Oh and the dead giveaway: the paperbag was sellotaped-shut. => Girl present.
  • 50ml bottle of vodka not wrapped in anything. => Guy present.
I know. I'm good.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Random Conversations #59123

I got inspired by Eureka to post some of the weird conversations I have with my friends. I decided to post this one, which happened on the Walls of Facebook:

Fesh: HEY! I demand some lovin'. Leaving a bruder freezing like that in the Frozen Wastelands with no lovin'... SHAME...SHAME!
Beco: *Beco stands next Fesh looking down like emperor penguins
Fesh: *Fesh lays an egg.
Beco: hey did you ever wonder how birds do it? I mean with dogs its doggie style.. what about birds?!?! Birddie style?! and how does that look? Not a right conversation to have on a wall ey?
Fesh: No no.. it's the perfect conversation to have... so in my mind the Birddie-style entails the use of the wings... so they are hovering in the air and the wing flapping is moderating... you know...*ahm*.. the rhythm?
Beco: hmmm.. interesting look on things.. have you noticed that everything is kinda doggie style?!? cats - dogs - cows - deer.. why was it attributed to the dog?!?
Fesh: pffffff... pls.. that is so simple... why do we call things Feshfeshy though they might be Fesh-related or not? It's the same reason really... think about it...
Beco: touche.. I am not worthy to be in the path of your infinite wisdom! Thank you sense
......but if you really think about it.. anything called Feshfeshy, usually is fesh related.. puny, hairy & questionable!!
Fesh: ...and the student becomes the master. You are ready.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Bloggers Anonymous

I don't get it. Why does everything have to be so anonymous on the Blogosphere? Most bloggers refrain from using their real names or real nicknames. Some bloggers even live their alter ego online. Why is that? Why is it that the bloggers 'real' friends are always reduced to capital letters like 'K' or 'H' or 'M'? or fake descriptive nicknames like 'AngelEyes'?

One explanation is that the blogger is considerate of the privacy of their friends and don't want to mention their real names/nicknames. But, when you tell such a story in real life, you either don't mention your friends (if their role is not important) or you mention them because it's important to the story. I never recall having heard a story from a person, even if I JUST met and I know nothing about him, that went: So I was with my friend, let's call her "B". Right? So why is it that when this same story is being told to the same random people but now on the Blogosphere suddenly it has to be riddled with Capital Letter People?

You can argue that, unlike a story to a random person over a drink in a bar, the story 'sticks' on the Blogosphere. That is, it will be there for years to come documented and neatly indexed by Google (all hail our Overlord). Which is true, but then again, why doesn't the blogger opt for not mentioning who exactly from thier friends, I don't see how knowing that this friend can be refereed to as "K" adds to the plot line? Do you think it's just to feel that they are still in control? An internal power struggle in the blogger's head since they are exposing SO much on thier blog that they want to feel they are still in control and holding back on something? Like their real names or their friends'?

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Monday, February 11, 2008

Vote For Your Favorite City!

Came across this today, Monopoly is asking people to vote for their favorite cities to include them in the next release of Monopoly. So kool! Vote!

Thursday, February 07, 2008

Black Fesh 6.0

When Fesh left the creepy old man's dungeon, he wasn't smiling. There was no familiar smoke figure above the chimney either. The old man leveled with Fesh, the Ivorians have reached him before Fesh did. When Fesh offered to double or triple whatever the Ivorians were paying, the old man explained that it was too late. Fesh understood when he saw on the old man's desk the familiar figure:
There is no way they can overcome the spell cast against them now. It's almost impossible.... yet miracles happen.

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Olympic Fesh

When Wikilink makes it to the Olympics, I'm going to be Egypt's (and probably the world's) first nerd-turned-Olympian. I might not be the fastest on the pitch or the best with those freakishly fast tennis/ squash/ basketball/ volleyball balls, but damn it I have the excellent motor skills for Wikilink. I have trained all my life for this! As soon as the race starts I become one with the keyboard, the mouse and the scroller wheels and I fall into the reality of ht Wiki, a reality I like and feel comfortable in. It's true that I might not know all the ways of the Wiki that Master Munqy do. But I will learn.. and mark my words, when that day comes I'll be right there on the podium.

Monday, February 04, 2008

Black Fesh 5.0

So are you sure this time? Asked the the creepy old man as he added the dented golden hoof to the mix. Oh, yes, I'm sorry about last time. I must have confused you. Explained Fesh. Confused me?! Repeated the old man. Your weak soul is not capable of this. NOW... take this and microwave it just before the game starts. Should do the effect.

Fesh put the stinky package into this microwave, turned the knob to high and set the timer for 5 mins, as the old man recommended. At around 4 mins and 37 seconds the cover popped open and the gooey matter stained the glass with this pattern:

(oh, I forgot to ask the old man for a spell for Cameroon, but I'm confident Tunisia will send the Lions home tonight)

Sunday, February 03, 2008

Black Fesh 4.0

The creepy old man went into his small room and closed the door behind him. As he turned on the lights a cold voice came from behind him: I've been expecting you. The old man turned sharply to find Fesh sitting on his desk petting a white chihuahua. A pale smile came across the old man's face as he approached Fesh: Look, regarding the last spell, after you left Jade showed up and she.. Fesh interrupted: The sick sick things you do for Jade do not interest me... and I haven't come here for an explanation. Then why did you come here? Your game is tomorrow? Fesh threw the chihuahua away and walked towards him saying: Our game we'll talk tomorrow. Now, I have put a lot of money on today's games. I want to be sure there will be no surprises.

After Fesh left, the old man opened the the envelop he left for him. Inside were two small postcards. It is going to be an easy spell, thought the old man.

Friday, February 01, 2008

The Fesh Factor: Jan 08

I give you The Fesh Factor article for January 2008. Proudly sponsored by Twinings Green Tea.
(you can enlarge the picture by clicking on it and it opens up in full screen)
..and the actual article:
Hail me, for EyE R STILL DAS UBER Published Fesh.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Black Fesh 3.0

Fesh watched as the creepy old man mixed a combination of black beetle concentrate, green monkey testicles, golden scorpion legs and dried-up red rat eyes. A small hunchback figure emerged from the corner of the dark room, with the last ingredient: a bold eagle's unhatched egg. Fesh, now a regular client of the old man, knew that he doesn’t like to be disturbed as he works. So Fesh left the payment on the desk and quickly left the underground dungeon. As Fesh walked away he suddenly realized that if they win today they’ll qualify as first of the group and thus meet Ivory Coast in the semifinals! A highly unfavorable situation especially considering Ivory Coast's performance this tournament! But if they lose today, they would qualify as second of the group and they’ll –probably- have a much easier team in the semifinals! In a way, by losing today they might book their ticket to the finals! Fesh realizing the huge mistake he has done quickly turns back, only to find that it was too late. A familiar smoke figure hung above the old man’s chimney:

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

My Evil uberPod

I've always believed that my uberPod has an evil sense of humor, maybe it's the way it silently mocked me when I wasn't looking. Maybe it's my ever-growing inferiority complex. But yesterday I think I got the hard evidence I was looking for. Here's the story:

I arrived at elCairo's International Airport at 2am and for the next 6+ hours, as I journyed via Budapest to the Frozen Wastelands, I would be listening to my uberPod's exquisite selection of songs. I have kept it on 'shuffle' for all those 6 hours and exactly 2 minutes before landing at the Frozen Wastelands Madona's 'Frozen' starts playing! I looked at its screen in disbelif thinking only one thing: touché.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Frozen Wastelands, Here I Come!

Yup, my days in sunny elCairo passed like a blink of an eye! I'm feeling lucky about my luggage this time. I feel it's going to arrive safely at the belt there. I guess we'll see! :)

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Black Fesh 2.0

The return to the underground dungeon where the old creepy man lived was not easy. Fesh knew he needed the old man's services once more. Fesh reviewed what he'd say to the creepy old man word-by-word as he went down the stairs. The old man looked up, his face pleasantly surprised: So although they are no match for you, you still come to me? Fesh quickly sat down and recited the answer he has been practicing all the way: I haven't come here to ask you for a spell to win. I have come to ask you for a spell to humiliate them, they need to lose so bad they'll regret sharing a border with us for the rest of their lives! ....Fesh hesitated for a second and added: I'm talking of a 5 goal difference win. Can you help me?

The old man nodded and got to work mixing a red liquid with a black one in a pot over the the fire. Fesh not sure if he should leave now or not hesitated and quietly stood up. The old man quickly looked in his direction and barked: BEGONE! As Fesh stumbled across the room he saw, with the corner of his eye, the old man pulling something out of a jar labeled: Green Monkey Testicles and throwing it in the mix.

Fesh breathed deeply as he stepped outside, trying to clear his lungs of the dungeon's stink. Looking up, he could see the creepy old man's chimney and above it hung an eerie smoke figure:
Fesh smiled, assured that They are under the old man's spell now.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Can't Help it...

Me: is it too soon to take a shot at this Frozen Wastelandese military aircraft that crashed after the officers on board just completed a conference on flight safety?

ViH: you're a sick sick freak... people died!

Me: I know, I know.. I'm sorry, maybe in a couple of month? Like a joke with the 'flight safety conference' bit as the punch-line?

ViH: you disgust me.

Me: okay, OKAY... fine.. I'll shut up.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Black Fesh

The creepy old man removed a drowsy bat from a jar and slit its throat; its highly viscous greenish blood oozed out on the table. Fesh flinched at the disgusting sight and didn't notice as the old man threw in some red dried-up rat eyes and some golden scorpion legs. The mix, now stirred by the old man, strangely looked like this:
The old man looked up and whispered in a frail voice: Fear not, they are under my spell. Fesh hesitated as he drew out a small sack from his pocket and asked: Are you...uhm..sure? The old man banged his hand on the table with one quick move that seemed to be at odds with his worn-out looks and yield: DON'T EVER QUESTION ME! Almost falling over from his chair, Fesh quickly got on his feet and handed the old man the sack. As Fesh left the underground dungeon he had a grin on his face, quickly looking at his watch he knew it was only 30 mins away.

Friday, January 18, 2008

My uberPod

I have always been loyal to the Party. I joined the Party back in the golden years. Ah, the year was 1995 and we have just introduced a new way of working with computers. Clearly, the future was ours. Some thought we were becoming more evil, but we believed we're doing what's best for everyone. There were setbacks along the way, some have succumbed to the Open Source Revolution ...disgusting failures. Yet we prevailed.

The biggest threat came form the capitalist fruits. We watched them enviously as they built their empire on the other side of The Wall that came to divide the cyberworld. We could see them swaying the hearts of millions. And then it happened, they introduced the miracle machine that could actually run their operating system along with ours! Then it was clear that the end was insight. I knew that if there was any chance of defecting, it was now....

[1 year later]

... it's so beautiful. The elven script on it's shinny back glows in elCairo's sun and reads:

Fesh pets his uberpod:
my preccccccciiioooo

It's true, I have been lured to the Dark Side and now I'm one of them fruits. I am now one of the millions of zombies that roam the earth every day in their own little bubbles. I am a slave to The White Earbud. I am a proud owner of an uberPod.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

The Stupidity of The Masses

Facebook usually exposes to me how stupid the average Facebookian is. Few months back I stumbled across the Mars Hoax and recently I came across a new phenomena. Groups and applications surfaced asking people to sign-up so that they could finally put the Six Degree Separation hypothesis to the test. You've probably heard about it, the hypothesis claims that people are connected via an average of six links. Links being friends or acquaintances. Around 12 million people signed up on Facebook to try and help the 'research' to prove this hypothesis.

Maybe it's just me but if I were to wake up tomorrow and the headlines would read: Six Degree Separation A Proven Fact! First, I'd be amazed by how the glorious 21st century research has just proved beyond doubt that, on average, I could be linked to a random dude in Boston over six links. *gasp*. Let me take a second to absorb this shock.............. ok, much better now. Second, I'd ask myself, so? What is the real reapplication of this 'discovery'? For sure there will be need for it in a weird sociological research about an extinct aboriginal tribe, but apart from that, how would this 'fact' help those 12 million people who are actively trying to prove it?
It wouldn't.

In the meantime, real distributed computing projects like: or are suffering from a much, much smaller user base (as small as 200,000 users in some cases). Those projects only ask for some spare CPU cycles from your PC when you are not using it in exchange for trying to understand and solve real-world problems. These efforts have tangible results that will help make life better for all of us, yet the stupidity of the masses prevails.

Sunday, January 06, 2008

2008 Resolutions

After my initial draft, did some thinking and adjusted my final resolutions for 2008:

1. I'll pursue to completion one personal goal in life.
2. I'll read more, especially in new topics/areas.
3. I'll continue going to the gym to lose 10KG.
4. I'll be a better son.
5. I'll start conserving water and electricity where/when possible.
6. I'll continue to travel, visit 3 new countries.
7. I'll do one thing about my interest in Stand-Up.

Wednesday, January 02, 2008


Dangerously high al-ke-hole levels are subsiding...
I'm recovering quite nicely, weather is a fantabulous 19C...
Must go out tonight...

P.S: Frozen Wasteland @ -14C ....hehehehe... the suckers...