Monday, August 04, 2008

The AntiApple Post

*Fesh pets his überPod.

Have you noticed how over the last few years Apple Fundamentalism has been on the rise? Former PCians are being converted en masse by fundamentalists who preach how their new Apple computer "changed their life". I came across one of the pamphlets those hard-line Applians use to recruit lost souls. The pamphlet highlights the five pillars of The Applian Doctrine:

1. God intended everything to be Apple, some lost their way.
2. Apple's OS has been coded by God. Line-by-line that is. So it's immaculate and error-free. It's blasphemous to claim otherwise.
3. God will smite any virus or worm if it attempts to infect an Apple machine.
4. You don't need to know why you want an Apple machine. You have to trust that it's the right thing for you. (a.k.a. the "La Tonakiesh Wala Togadel Ya Akh Ali" argument).
5. If you accept the Applian Doctrine, you need to convert 5 of your friends or God will turn you into a mouse. A two-button PC mouse, not one of those sexy Apple ones. Your choice.

So, even if you're a follower of The Enlightened One and hate The Great Satan, you have to admit that this is überkool.

18 comments:

Munqy said...

Wow, talk about a desperate PR stunt...

Blessed be the White Fruit
For it fills our eyes with the light of righteousness
Honour thy Puma, Jaguar, Panther, Tiger and Leopard
But forget not the light grey and rainbow fruit of yesteryear
If thou siteth an M$ user
Whose corruption is such that there is no hope for salvation
The heretic shalt be locked in a darkened room with nought for company but the endless loops of speeches by The Enlightened One until his soul is saved or taken by The Great Satan.

For meditation this evening, we shall watch the Apple ads that poke fun at M$:
http://www.apple.com/getamac/ads/

Feshfesh said...

*Fesh, lured by Munqy's prayer and soothing voice, sits in the circle to be brainwashed...

Jade said...

Vista kicks ass!!!!
Except when it tells me "You cant perform this operation, contact your administrator"

I AM THE ADMINISTRATOR FUCKERS!!!

Feshfesh said...

See, these are the security features that make Vista one of the most robust operating systems out th.. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA

I'm sorry, I couldn't say this with a straight face. Thing about Vista is that it came out SO late (what 7 years after XP?) that people where expecting that it brings a lot of things, which it didn't.

Actually, had Vista arrived like 2 years after XP (like what Apple does with frequent OS releases) it would have been much more appreciated.

And Jade, you're not an Admin on your PC ...hehehehehe hahahahahaha
you PC mocks you...

Jade said...

*Jade breaks down into tears

But I thought my PC was my best friend, snif snif, it plays with me on lonely nights, it gives me porn, loads of it!
Dont say that about it!

IT'S NOT FAIR!!!

Feshfesh said...

There.. there...

Plus who needs PC porn when you can have Internet porn? It's endless man... ENDLESS I TELL YA!

Jade said...

*Jade wipes her boogers

What? What do you mean? Isnt PC & Internet the same thing?

Feshfesh said...

Such a n00b mistake. PC Porn is kool man, but you get bored out of it quickly.

Then you start trolling online... sure at first the prospect of a donkey and an 80-year old sounds 'odd'... But two weeks later you cant get enough of it... and you want more.. MORE.

Then you come across Two Girls and a Cup. Sure, you're traumatized at first and swear you'll never troll again for Internet pron.... 3 days later and the Two Girls video is on repeat as you jack-off to it....


....errr... too much sharing, huh?

Jade said...

No man... no not at all.
Well - that's what I use my PC for too.

*Jade holds up the black walky talky to her mouth (wearing a black fingerless glove)
"He's Ready"

*6 Men in white coats charge towards Fesh

...

Feshfesh said...

*Fesh, nekked and covered in grease, starts to run away...

You will never catch me!

Embee said...

It's pretty sad M$ has to resort to that to convince people they have something worth their attention, machine upgrade, money..

And if you don't know how to disable the UAC, you're pretty much gonna be spending your days banging your head against a wall..

Munqy said...

Tut tut, saye3 fe el 3ahera we mish fadee to update us?

Feshfesh said...

Damn you! Catching me like that when I'm connection-less in Alex!

Plus, you know the updates man... weekend at the Maison de Munqy was DA BOMB. Black Vodka delivered on it's promise. Feedz -The Beer Tank- delivered on his promise. Aku.... err.. delivered on his promise?

madwomaninatic said...

ooohhh... that's mean!!! but then, you're the one to tell us if Aku delivered on his promise to you, old Feshfeshy!

by the way, you still have black poison left?

Feshfesh said...

The Black Poison lives....

madwomaninatic said...

yay! save some for me :)

Superluli said...

Kudos to ya people!
This is seriously hillarious

Feshfesh said...

Thanks man! Glad you liked it! :)