Saturday, April 28, 2007

Prozac for dogs

So, according to a recent BBC news report, dogs too can get depressed. The funny thing however is that they mentioned that the symptoms for Dog Depression include: barking, chewing and/or pacing?! Shouldn't we be looking for more OBVIOUS symptoms, since dogs really can't communicate with us?

Wouldn't it be very handy, specially for us guys, if the dog turns into a bright purple color with green fluorescent dots when it's depressed or needs attention? I mean let's face it, I only service my car when smoke coming out from the engine starts flowing into the cabin. Now they are telling me that my dog might be depressed and the only clue is that it might be barking or chewing differently?!

Oh come on, give us a break here.....

Friday, April 27, 2007

3 Months to Go

On 27.07.07 the Movie of the Century shall be unleashed. May God have mercy on our souls.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Unsociable Fesh: Et tu, Becu?

I was betrayed, yes betrayed. Evil Becs has tricked me into a Facebook account, the Evil One signed me up and added a few friends to my account. Damn it.

R.I.P.
Unsociable Fesh
2006-2007

Note: If you know me, then please add me on Facebook :D

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Battle Plans: The Siamese Surge

Ellcian, young and foolish as he is, thought his insult to me will go unpunished. I gathered my generals and ordered them to put in place a full plan to crush his armies. As soon as this plan was ready, I marched my troops and The Battle began.

The Ellcian army controlled all of Australia and most of Asia and my plan was the oldest one in the book: Divide and Conquer. The Divide part was completed as I conquered Siam, thus splitting the Ellcian army into two pockets: the northern army, stationed in Siberia and the southern army, stationed in Australia. I was happy with my progress so far, so I ordered my armies to rest while I planned my next move. As I thought, I saw the Munqian empire expand rapidly mostly on my expense. Seeing this, I decided that in my next campaign I must crush Ellcian and thus put an end to this war.

My reinforcements arrived in Siam and I was ready for my final push. The dilemma was how to split my reinforcements between both the northern and southern armies in order to ensure success on both fronts. I knew that the southern army had a tough mission due to the isolated nature of Australia. I also knew that I had to eliminate the southern Ellcian army in one blow or else Ellcian is going to land some reinforcements by sea and threaten my whole empire. I placed my bet on the southern army and decided to outnumber the southern Ellcian army 2:1 and ordered the rest of my reinforcements to join my northern army stationed in Central Asia.

My southern army was moving at great speed and the push for Australia was on track, my forces flowed into Indonesia and New Guinea with no significant resistant. The landing on Australia however proved to be problematic. Wave after wave of my endless Red Army hit the northern Australian shore with no apparent progress. 3 days passed and finally we manged to secure a beachhead and went ahead to hold Western Australia. What I feared most has actually happened, the Ellcian army had a foothold in Eastern Australia and it was only a mater of time before reinforcements will arrive. My armies couldn't go ahead seeing the significant casualties already suffered to secure Western Australia. Needles to say, I was furious and in the midst of my fury I mobilized my northern army against Ellcian's other strong hold in Siberia. Again I faced the same fierce resistance my southern army suffered from. After several maneuvers I knew that the Ellcian army will survive this campaign. I ordered my armies to surround the remaining Ellcian army and brace for the eminent Munqian offensive.


By end of this battle, I would earn my title: The Great Feshfeshian

Sunday, April 22, 2007

The Perfect Shower

I'm a big fan of showers. It's one of the few things I really indulge myself into; others include but are not limited to: Tea with mint, mocking Munqy, a tall Java Cappuccino from Cilantro elShams and off course reminding aku of the BIG mess he made on New Year's eve 2005.

Disaster hit on Friday @ 1900 hours when suddenly all my shower rights were suspended indefinitely. I discovered on Saturday morning that a HUGE water pipe broke and there wasn't a drop of water in all of Heliopolis and Nasr City. Now I don't have any numbers, but if I were to guess, since elCairo has 16 million inhabitants then Heliopolis and Nasr City is something around 15%-25% of that, so that's a good 3-4 million looking for water!

The funny thing is that on Saturday morning @ 0900 hours, my neighborhood went back to the 19th century in an instant. Suddenly everyone was running across the street with huge containers to fill with fresh water from the village fountain.....ah the good old village life. Anyhow I decided not to make this issue cloud MY LAST DAY IN elCairo, so I went ahead had an amazing Sea Food lunch and then took off to Feedz to hang out. By 2200 hours there was still no water, so I got ready and headed to the airport for my 0230 hours flight. Almost 10 hours later I landed in the Springish Frozen Wastelands and I must tell you this 1.5 hours shower I just had now was swwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetttttt.

It's better than sex. WAY better.

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Grand Risk Master Fesh

What I love about Risk is that each game is everybody's game, and if you play with real pros after the 3rd round everyone is really 2 countries away from his/her mission. Luckily tonight I was playing with Munqy and Lord Chaos who on a scale of 1 to 10, one being a total n00b and ten being someone who is 85% as good as me in Risk, are mostly around 3.

The first game was quick, with the RED ARMY (me) taking over Africa and Australia in the first round while Munqy and Lord Chaos fought over the Americas and Asia, I then mobilized the Red Army and dominated All of Africa, South America, Australia and most of Europe. In the final push for victory I fully took Asia too.

The second game wasn't as easy, my mission was to eliminate the dispersed BLACK ARMY (Lord Chaos). After a lot of maneuvering and gained and lost continents I managed to reduce the Black Army to only two countries and by doing so I had to risk exposing to everyone what my mission was about. Munqy's BLUE ARMY then marched ahead and spoiled my mission by eliminating the black army first, thus changing my mission (since the Black Army was eliminated by another player) to conquer 24 countries. I won the next round. I am uber.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Embarrassing Restaurant Conversations

I usually make an ass of myself. Just recently I remembered how frequently I do this specially in restaurants. The following three conversations actually happened to me, and yes I am not proud of it :S

In a fancy beer garden in Berlin
Me: Can I have a Heineken?
Disgusted waiter: No sir, we offer a fine collection of German beers.
Me: Budweiser?

In a refined Italian restaurant in London after my classic pizza arrived
Me: Can I have some Ketchup?
Disgusted waiter: We don't have Ketchup here.

In a Greek restaurant
Me: Can I have one Kebab pls.
(Kebab is the Turkish name of a meat sandwich)
Disgusted waiter: You mean Gyros?
(Gyros is the Greek name of the same sandwich)
Me: Yes, one Greek Kebab pls.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Behold Da Fesh!


Today das ├╝ber dudedt almost completed her engineering assignment (yes, designing a scooter apparently is engineering nowadays!) and the kool thing is that she named the scooter after me, DA FESH!

Now you need to realize that is a VERY exciting thing to happen to me and here is why:

1. I am not planning on dying for my country, discovering a cure for AIDS or winning a Nobel, so as it stands my chances of having stuff named after are slim.

2. Now after meeting a hot chick in a bar I can always ask: Would you like to ride DA FESH?

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Inferior Terrestrial Beings

I was wikiing few days ago and I came across the Kardashev Scale. In a nut shell, this is a method to classify how technologically advanced a civilization is. This scale defines 3 types:

Type I: a civilization that is able to harness all the power available in a single planet.
Type II: a civilization that is able to harness all the power available in a single solar system.
Type III: a civilization that is able to harness all the power available in a single galaxy.

As per the definition of this scale, we are a Type Zero civilization and we will continue this way till the 23rd century when we are expected to become a Type I civilization (by the year 2200 AD). So let me ask you this: how big of an inferiority complex do we, as humans, suffer, that makes us score a ZERO on a scale of OUR invention, while we are still the ONLY civilization on it so far?!

Monday, April 16, 2007

The Unsociability Wars

The Unsociability Wars has taken a turn for the worse over the last week. The picture embargo is worse than ever. Fresh Facebook invites are arriving daily and the last real hope of a solid resistance was lost when the treacherous Vulk defected to Facebook. I don't blame him fully though, as he was lured by an invite from his cunning fiancee.

To top off, today there was hint from Beco of a full social embargo if I don't surrender unconditionally...

*sigh*

This war has been waging for too long, and I am tired. I sometimes sit back and wonder, what would my life be like if there were no Unsociability Wars? What would it be like if Facebook was not that evil after all? What would it be like if there was to evil conspiracy trying to forcefully make me embrace the Facebookian Doctrine??

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Global Koolness

Here's my dilemma to you, had Global Warming been Global Cooling, would we have been more proactive towards it?

I came across this opinion while reading about Global Warming (my favorite topic, second only to History) whereby the author argues that we, as a species, are programmed to be less tolerant of lower temperatures than we are of higher temperatures. He drives this conclusion from the fact that as a species we evolved (yes I'm a fanatic Evolutionist, all you Creationists get out of my blog now) to witness several Ice Ages, not only to witness but to hate them too. According to one study, once Ice Age threw Humans to the brink of extinction when the extreme weather conditions reduced us to less than 2000 humans globally! So, this extreme experience is somehow imprinted in our genes to always think: Cold bad, Warm good.

Try it for yourself, what comes to mind when you think of the equatorial/tropical weather? Hot, moist, rain and/or forests. Compare this to what comes to mind when you think of Polar weather? Ice, Santa, snow, Santa, freezing water, Santa and penguins?

So in a way, we are much kooler about Global Warming than we would have been about Global Cooling, if that makes any sense.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Standards Please

I like things that are standard. Take the Internet for example, everyone using it from Japan to California is following more or less the same set of standards and therefore it's so easy and hassle-free. Why can't the world around us be more like the Internet, for example:

1. Can we pick either the meters/grams/Celsius or feet/pounds/Fahrenheit and stick to it?

2. Can we get working on all of those promised single currencies? 1 or 2 currencies in Asia, 1 in Europe, 2 in the Americas and 2 or 3 in Middle East and Africa? Instead of the mind-blowing 160+ different currencies currently in circulation?

3. Why do the international documents (Passport/ID and Driving license) come in all shapes, sizes and languages? Can we please make them all look the same, with the same fields everywhere?

4. What's with the Western/Eastern/Chinese/Islamic and Hindu calendars? I understand and respect that each culture might want to keep their own calendar for cultural/religious reasons, but can we please pick A calendar and make it THE calendar?

5. Can we please, please, agree if it is Day-Month or Month-Day?

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Unsociable Fesh and The Picture Embargo

My battle against Facebook has entered a new phase, now a picture embargo is enforced on me. Since most of the pictures of the parties are now exclusively posted on Facebook, whenever I ask for the pictures I am reminded that maybe I should join Facebook.

The fools think that this embargo will bring me to my knees asking for my Facebook username and password. NEVER! I can only tell them that the underground anti-Facebook movement is alive and working and as a proof I shall release one picture of the many pictures that you hold hostage inside facebook:
Bolhahahahhahahahahahhahaha....Unsociable Fesh PREVAILS!

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Will Unsociable Fesh Prevail?

Ever since I openly shared what I think of Facebook and other pathetic social networking sites and the pressure on me is mounting. Today I received yet another invite to Facebook, where I am basically ordered to join. Not to mention that my fellow Facebook-hater: Munqy, has just defected (you bastard).

Today, the defector lured me to join the dark side promising lots of perks and even hinting to some sexual favours. I don't know if I can stand this anymore. I feel that the unsociability that has defined me for so long is facing its gravest test. Will the unsociable Fesh that is EyE prevail? or would I crack under continuous pressure and defect like so many before me?

*Fesh gives a mean look to Munqy

.....only time will tell.

This is Unsociable Fesh, writing from Cairo, Egypt on 10th April 2007 @ 22:57 Cairo Local Time (GMT+2). I am still holding my position. I repeat I am still holding my position. We are taking heavy fire. Send reinforcements. Over.

Monday, April 09, 2007

5 Things I Hate About Blogs

I don't read a lot of blog, but when I read here are the things I hate about them:

1. Tiny text + Dark background. This leaves me with a burning sensation to close the window and smash my head on the keyboard. My advice: Readable text size (compare your blog to any respectable news website) and clear contrast between font color and background color.

2. A fancy blog template that renders your blog unreadable. Have seen those blogs that have just a 7-word column in the middle of the blog and the rest of the blog is just empty? My advice: simple is better than overly complex.

3. Just videos, pics or links to articles. Coming to a blog to find a series of YouTube videos and no comments is just sad. My advice: a blog is a personal thing, it might make sense to link to an article or a YouTube clip but then I expect you to comment on it or have your own POV about it.
4. Fanatic comment-posters, who would be so insulted by a certain blog post and would leave a stream of hate comments that is, off course, full of profanity. My advice: read the "Letters to the Editor" section in a respectable Newspaper/Magazine, those readers also do make a point, but they do it in a very civilized manner.

5. LONG posts, have you seen those posts that make you scroll, scroll, scroll and then scroll some more?! My advice: think of your post as an ad in your campaign. If you can get your reader hooked on a 30-second ad, it's more effective than a 30-minute ad. All the readers have a million and one blogs to read, not only yours.

Sunday, April 08, 2007

Si Papi

Two months ago, I was visiting my imaginary friend aku in Manchester. I was enjoying my time till this dreaded Saturday night when we set out for the hottest club in town: PoNaNa. We enjoyed our time, had one too many drinks and we were good to go home. We reached the bus station and found the bus, surprisingly, quite busy at 3 am.

The good thing is that we found some empty seats and everyone sat down except moi. I found this dude sitting alone on a bench and I was like, someone sitting here? He gave me this disgusted look and was like: yeah, me. So I tried politely to convince him that it's a 2-person bench, however my poor logic didn't make sense to him. SO, I decided to stand while he enjoys the extra room. Yes I am a sissy, but wait it gets better.

Just 5 mins later, the dude makes the fatal mistake and decides that I should sit next to my friends instead of standing. Yes, you heard me right, he was like: Don't stand over me, sit next to your mates. Now, you need to understand the dynamics of the situation:
1. There is no empty seats next to my friends. So he's basically asking me to squeeze next to them.
2. There is a free seat next to the dude, but he refuses that I sit there.
3. I'm drunk
4. He's drunk
5. He just "ordered" me to sit down.
6. I am furious.
7. He's looking for a fight.

So I gather all my courage and .... I squeeze next to my friends. And that is the story of how I came so close to telling a complete stranger: Si Papi.

Friday, April 06, 2007

My Imaginary Award Show

Today was a lazy day so I held an imaginary award show and it had all sorts of weird categories. The most interesting of them was the "Best fictional Cairo Traffic Situation" category, and here are the results:

In the third place (Bronze):
After two cars crash, one of the drivers gets out and admits it's her/his (I think it's more realistic to say "her"). She then asks the other driver to estimate the $$$ needed for repairs.

In the second place (Silver):
After two cars crash, one of the drivers gets out and admits it's her mistake. She then asks the other driver to estimate the $$$ needed for repairs. The other driver then quotes a reasonable $$$ amount.

And the WINNER is:
After two cars crash, one of the drivers gets out and admits it's her mistake. She then asks the other driver to estimate the $$$ needed for repairs. The other driver then quotes a reasonable $$$ amount. The first driver would then pay this $$$ without any further discussions.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Unsociable Fesh

Being a nerd and all, I naturally tend to be unsociable. I am however extremely unsociable when it comes to those online networking sites that are so kool and hip right now. Over the last 6 months or so, I got alot of invites to join Google's Orkut, Hi5 and "the one to rule them all": Facebook.

I gracefully declined all of them all. Honestly, I don't see the point of these sites. Aren't we TOO networked online already? I have 4 different instant messaging programs running at the same time. Also 3 email accounts that I check regularly, the blogs I'm reading all the time, the groups, the forums and the Really Simply Syndication (RSS) feeds, which by the way I never managed to configure.

So excuse me that after I'm done with all of the above, I don't want to spend an extra 15 or 30 mins socializing online. For EyE R the unsociable Fesh.

Monday, April 02, 2007

My Bug

I enjoyed my first car during university, the funny thing is that after university when I decided to buy my second car, I wasn't looking for the usual options (Engine capacity, A/C, power steering ..etc) but rather the basic ones like:

1. Has side mirrors, so you don't crash into a car coming at 60 Km/hr while you're coming out of a parking spot.
1. Has fuel gage in the dashboard, so you don't need to pop the hood, get out the 40 cm steel rod and insert it in the fuel tank to know how much fuel you have in the car (think how you measure you're engine's oil, it's the same).

As I was leaving for Warsaw I sold my fuel-gauge-dashboard-equipped car, and as I'm back now in elCairo on vacation I'm enjoying my fuel gaugeless, side mirrorless 1956 VW bug! :)