Monday, December 31, 2007

Reminiscing About 2007

2007, also known as The Year of The Golden Fesh was a good one. Here is to 2007 that saw:
  1. The humble starts of my stand-up comedy career.
  2. Me give-up coffee.....mmmmmm...coffffeeeeeeee.
  3. The end of my long-haired, gay, Mexican pool-boy look.
  4. The Rise of The Lord of The Fesh
  5. The unsociable Fesh succumb and join Facebook.
  6. Me break my bed due to ..*ahm*... my highly active and athletic sex life.
  7. Me psychotically countdown (T-10/T-9/T-8/T-7/T-6/T-5/T-4/T-3/T-2/T-1/T) to the Simpsons movie. And then watch it an undisclosed number of times.
  8. Me expose my sever case of untouchy-unfeely-ness to the world.
  9. The rise of Iron Fesh
  10. The beginning of my career as a published author (Nov07, Dec07)
Although 2007 had it's fair share of sad events too, I have to decided to reminisce only about the good ones! In a couple of hours I'm heading to the uber new year's PARTAAAAYYYY to welcome 2008 in style! Have a great one everyone and

Friday, December 28, 2007

My Dream Job

I am sure there is more to me than my professional status as a corporate whore. On the other hand, I have consciously voted against leaving my mark on humanity. After all, if I discover cure for AIDS and end world poverty by the time I'm 40, life would be boring afterwards. I have done a lot of soul searching and came to the conclusion that coming out infornt of a live audience (or TV viewers) and making a complete ass of myself is very appealing. I think I have the potential to be a stand-up comic. Even better, I'd have my own late night show, I would be a funnier and more handsome Jon Stewart. I have a lot of respect for folks like Seinfeld or Jon Stewart. It takes a lot of skills and a hell of a personality to do what they do. You just need to see how when small (and mostly unplanned) things happen during their shows, like a certain reaction from the audience and how quickly they adapt and react to it. They are extremely smart, funny and the best thing is that they think on their feet. I really want to attend improv 101*.

But back to my show, I think I'll keep the smart-funny take on world news that Jon Stewart offers but would add a twist of the trademark Seinfeldian sarcastic humor about everything. It would be perfect, I'd watch it and even buy it over iTunes.

*Disclaimer: Intention to attend an improv class qualifies as doing "ONE thing towards my obsession with Improv/Stand-up". I hereby consider resolution #4 (pls reference previous post) completed.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

New Year's Resolutions - Take I

I'm happy I did quite well on most of this year's resolutions, and I have been thinking about next year's. One thing I wanted to change is to be more specific, this will probably mean smaller resolutions, but much more actionable. I'll also go with 7, for the sentimental value.

1. I'll close the water tap when I'm brushing my teeth (Green Fesh).
2. I'll lose another 10KG (Iron Fesh).
3. I'll read more (Intellectual Fesh).
4. I'll do ONE thing towards my obsession with Improv/Stand-Up (Funny Fesh).
5. I'll complete ONE personal goal in life (Normal Fesh?).
6. I'll be a better son.
7. I'll continue to travel, visit 3 new countries. (to add up to 39 out of a target of 100).

Still a first take, I'll adjust and finalize by first week of Jan.

Monday, December 24, 2007

A History of God

Growing up as part of a Christian minority living within a Muslim majority forces you to hang on to your religion. Although I am not religious, I have a lot of respect for my religion and its significance to me and my family. And it's really sad to see how the world is going through some religiously turbulent times nowadays. The rise of fundamentalism has caused a lot of uncalled for inter-faith hate. To many, current day Christians are neo-Crusaders, Muslims are terrorists and Jews are superevil, baby-eating conspiratorial aliens who actually built the pyramids. I think it's safe to say that all 3 are just stereotypes fed to the uneducated masses by years of propaganda that serves a certain hidden agenda (I stole that line from somewhere, clearly it's not me). And it doesn't stop there, religious discrimination and prosecution is everywhere, Christians in the Arab world, Muslims in Europe, and even Muslims by fellow Muslims in Iraq for example.

What's even more dangerous, in my opinion, is that sometimes families tend to socialize their kids about how their religion/faith is the greatest and how other faiths are not. Growing up, I remember things like: Jesus the son of God! The son of God walking on Earth! Jesus didn't die on the cross! thrown at me by my 'friends' at school when we were only in 4th grade?! But I can't judge because I too have been socialized with a lot of 'wrong things' with Islam.

Maybe it's just me, but from where I stand it is a gloomy picture, so amidst all of this I decided to be part of the solution and seek to understand. I started reading Karen Armstorng's
A History of God. This book doesn't preach religious tolerance to its reader, it demands it. I was impressed by how extremely similar different faiths are to each other and how all those misconceptions you hear about, make a lot of sense when you read about them in an unbiased context. I've just finished the book and I feel I have a new found understanding to both my faith and other's. I believe this book should be a mandatory reading to graduate from high school if we want to have a shot at a peaceful future.

P.S: Sunny elCairo, I love you.

Saturday, December 22, 2007

elCairo: I'm Lovin' It.

It's 3am, just back from my first night out in elCairo. Amazing. Nothing was planned, Feedz picked me up at 8pm. Had a great time, ate uber foul @ Shabrawy (orgasmic food). And to top it off, it's 11C now. For sure beats the current -5C in the Northward Frozen Wastelands.

I'm Lovin' It.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

elCairo in 5!

Yup, I return to the sweet sweeeeet elCairo next Friday! oh boy, can't wait... great friends, perfect weather and real food! Have I died and gone to heaven?

Thursday, December 13, 2007

The Sand Nigger

The Terrorist was approached by Racist Pig#2 and #3 in the underground today. Clearly the pigs were mesmerized by his beard, so black and terroristy. The pigs closed-in on The Terrorist and uttered something in the accursed Frozen Wastelandese Tongue. The Freedom Fighter explained: me no Polskie, me so horny... nothing, not even a laugh. The pigs started to use sign language. They clearly wanted to search The Terrorist's suspicious backpack. The Freedom Fighter refused, explaining that they are racist pigs who are stereotyping him as no one else is being stopped.... and that he'll sucky sucky for 2 dolla. Still no laughs, tough crowd. The Freedom Fighter asked to be taken to the Master Racist Pig, #1. There, the following exchange happened.

The Terrorist: This is racist, me being stereotyped like this.
Racist Pig#1: No, no, we are very sorry. It's not like this, we search everyone.
The Terrorist: I don't see anyone being searched.
Racist Pig#1: No, we do, it's your bag, it's big and that's why they stop you. Not because of anything else. Your ID?
The Terrorist: Here, knock yourself out.
Racist Pig#1: What do you do in Poland?
The Terrorist: None of your business.
Racist Pig#1: uhm..okay... we need to see your bag.
The Terrorist: No, if you search someone else, I'll show you my back
[The Freedom Fighter then decides to fuck with them for 20 more mins of not allowing them to search the bag, finally he lets them]
Racist Pig#1: You live around here?
The Terrorist: Address on my ID.
Racist Pig#1: Ok, so, where do you come from?
The Terrorist: ID.
Racist Pig#1: Oh, Egypt, which city?
The Terrorist: None of your business.
Racist Pig#1: uhm.. we'll check you card now, basically we'll....
The Terrorist: Spare me... I'll be sitting there.. come let me know when done.
Racist Pig#1: ah.. Ok.
*The Terrorist gives Racist Pig#1 a disgusted look and walks away. 10 mins later the Freedom Fighter is released and heads to work.

My social experiment was a complete success. I can shave my beard now, I have successfully proved that the average Frozen Wastelander has a very high chance of being a racist pig. Two years I have lived here and I was never stopped or searched, or have seen anyone searched for that matter. Add a beard and now I'm randomly selected for extra security in the underground!? Not because of my looks thought. It's because of how suspicious my backpack looks like. That makes sense.

I think I need a new backpack... one that says: No, no, I aint a Sand Nigger.

Sunday, December 09, 2007

40 Year Old Fesh

There is something intimidating about a well built guy in his early 40's, who has this dead serious look on his face and walks around with a cane. I saw this dude a few days back on my way to work and right away I started wondering what's that dude's story? He is probably an ex-Alpha operative, he took part in the Russian diplomats hostage situation in Beirut, October 1985. Even though he was shot in the leg, he still managed to complete the mission and protect three of his comrades. He was flown back to Moscow where he retired and started his own business.

Or maybe he's an ex-CIA undercover operative, he parachuted into a Central American Dictator's palace to pave the way for his party's chopper that was approaching. After neutralizing twelve of the elite republican guards and securing the helipad he was shot down. He was awarded The Medal of Honour for his actions on that day.

When I'm in my 40's I'll walk around with a cane and a dead serious look on my face. When asked, I'll always reply: Oh the leg.... it's a long story.... let's just say the world is a little bit safer today.

*pause for a while, work up a teary eye... and whisper:
It was horrible....

If pressed to elaborate more, I'll make something up, it will include me, Angelina Jolie, a microchip, chocolate syrup and guns.....lots of guns.

Friday, December 07, 2007

0.5 Decades Later

Oh I remember that day, the sleep deprivation, the stress and the inhumane amounts of coffee inhaled to prep for it. But I think we put on a great show, we prepared very well for it and ontop of this we added a counter and tried to set a new world record! I think it took us 14 mins or so to generate a signature and a removal tool for a new 'malicious code'. Off course part of that demo was staged, nonetheless it was uber. My parents were pretty impressed and that's what matters.

That day was the climax of my 4.5 year rollercoaster at university, key highlights of my uni-life:
-Badminton (as gay as it sounds, big shout out to Hamema!)
-Assignments, mid-terms and grades.
-Dressing up as a belly dancer (bra, wig, make-up and all) and showing up on campus for a party.
-Assignments, mid-terms and grades.
-Making LOTS friends, falling in love and breaking up.
-Assignments, mid-terms and grades.
-Representing many countries in many councils in those make-believe Model UN/AL conferences.
-Assignments, mid-terms and grades.
-Interning with The Evil Corporation.
-Designing a full stock market simulation system and having 50 people run around in suites for 3 days trying to make money.
-Assignments, mid-terms and grades.
-And last and definitely not least, The One, The Only, The Ultimate Nemesis. BIG SHOUT OUT to you guys, you were and are the best: Maggie, Douby, Fox, Pete et moi.

Ah.... good times, good times. I don't wish them back, I look forward to the better times to come and I wonder, where would I be in another 0.5 decades?

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

The Fesh Factor: Dec 07

I give you The Fesh Factor article for December 2007. Oh must mention NileGirl, yes you are the "friend of mine" in the article!
(you can enlarge the picture by clicking on it and it opens up in full screen)
..and the actual article:
Hail me, for EyE R STILL DAS UBER Published Fesh.

Saturday, December 01, 2007

The Fesh Factor: Nov 07

I give you The Fesh Factor article for November 2007.
(you can enlarge the picture by clicking on it and it opens up in full screen)
...and the actual article:
Hail me, for EyE R DAS UBER Published Fesh.