Thursday, December 13, 2007

The Sand Nigger

The Terrorist was approached by Racist Pig#2 and #3 in the underground today. Clearly the pigs were mesmerized by his beard, so black and terroristy. The pigs closed-in on The Terrorist and uttered something in the accursed Frozen Wastelandese Tongue. The Freedom Fighter explained: me no Polskie, me so horny... nothing, not even a laugh. The pigs started to use sign language. They clearly wanted to search The Terrorist's suspicious backpack. The Freedom Fighter refused, explaining that they are racist pigs who are stereotyping him as no one else is being stopped.... and that he'll sucky sucky for 2 dolla. Still no laughs, tough crowd. The Freedom Fighter asked to be taken to the Master Racist Pig, #1. There, the following exchange happened.

The Terrorist: This is racist, me being stereotyped like this.
Racist Pig#1: No, no, we are very sorry. It's not like this, we search everyone.
The Terrorist: I don't see anyone being searched.
Racist Pig#1: No, we do, it's your bag, it's big and that's why they stop you. Not because of anything else. Your ID?
The Terrorist: Here, knock yourself out.
Racist Pig#1: What do you do in Poland?
The Terrorist: None of your business.
Racist Pig#1: uhm..okay... we need to see your bag.
The Terrorist: No, if you search someone else, I'll show you my back
[The Freedom Fighter then decides to fuck with them for 20 more mins of not allowing them to search the bag, finally he lets them]
Racist Pig#1: You live around here?
The Terrorist: Address on my ID.
Racist Pig#1: Ok, so, where do you come from?
The Terrorist: ID.
Racist Pig#1: Oh, Egypt, which city?
The Terrorist: None of your business.
Racist Pig#1: uhm.. we'll check you card now, basically we'll....
The Terrorist: Spare me... I'll be sitting there.. come let me know when done.
Racist Pig#1: ah.. Ok.
*The Terrorist gives Racist Pig#1 a disgusted look and walks away. 10 mins later the Freedom Fighter is released and heads to work.

My social experiment was a complete success. I can shave my beard now, I have successfully proved that the average Frozen Wastelander has a very high chance of being a racist pig. Two years I have lived here and I was never stopped or searched, or have seen anyone searched for that matter. Add a beard and now I'm randomly selected for extra security in the underground!? Not because of my looks thought. It's because of how suspicious my backpack looks like. That makes sense.

I think I need a new backpack... one that says: No, no, I aint a Sand Nigger.

31 comments:

NileGirl said...

Did you seriously grow a beard just to test their level of racism? Good for you and I wish I could do something like that. I hear stories like this often but I have a hard time believing them because of how freaking ridiculous people are - it's almost unreal.

I hope you're going to bring this incident to the attention of some higher power there. I hope you got their names!

Feshfesh said...

Well, no, not really. I grew it for a change. But knowing how undiverse and 'afraid' the Frozen Wastelanders are from people who dont look, talk and smell the same as them. I knew it was bound to happen. That's why I like the term racist pigs so much. Sums it up :)

Usually I love fighting the system, When I had a similar incident 2 years back I worked with the Egyptian embassy here on a 'diplomatic petition', off course the communistic government did not honour it. But I like to think I fought back. But for now, since I am planning to leave this hell hole of a country, it aint a priority for me to fight back with the pigs.

Jade said...

Wow! Respect to you Fesh...
Seriously... Were you not afraid not to comply with their questions? Spitting in their face "None of your business" - was that not scary? Were you not afraid it would get escelated further...?

In any case, dont you worry my boy - if you had gone to prison - I would have come & visited you there... I dont think I would have tried to take you out - cause I am sure congigal visits would be A LOT of fun...

No but seriously - lots of respect for this post!

Feshfesh said...

Well, congigals HELL YEAH, being someone's biatch ..no so much, and knowing me, chances of the latter at prison are higher :D

But see, the thing is in the Wastelands I've been dragged 'places' before... so let's just say I've been there, so currently I have a devil-may-care attitude towards pigs.

Ashraf said...

you speak too bravely for someone from el "3ahera".

short story to those who don't know it. 3 years ago me and fesh got stopped in Aleppo airport in Syria, we were repeatedly humiliated, called names and our passports got confiscated. The immigration officer looks at our passports and say: AAh, you're from ElQahira (Cairo), you know what we call it here? we call it El3ahira (the whore).

anyway, I do salute your great initiative. wish I had the balls to do it here in the uk, but ever since they shot that Brazilian guy thinking he was an Arab (not even a terrorist, just arab), I tend to play it cool!

Ashraf said...

sucky sucky 2 dolla??

Feshfesh said...

Hehehehehe... good days... the "Syrian Situation". But man, give me some credit, in Syria, as soon as we got the passports back, I took the plane back to elCairo refusing to risk the chance that similar humiliation will happen in Jordan! Even if that meant cutting my vacation short! That's fighting the system! Oh and the "French Situation"? There was potential there too?

Off course there are situations where I didn't fight back.... like the shameful "Si Papi situation" in Manchester ... but those we do not speak of.

Oh and there...
*Fesh hands aku 2 dolla.

We'll get to the sucky sucky piece in elCairo :D

Ashraf said...

you mean when you left ME alone in syria and took the plane back to elcairo... aa, happy days!

the french embassy is a typical scenario of your inexistent political negotiating skills at that time... my ass kissing skills got us the visas, can you disagree??

but you've improved a lot in manchester!

Feshfesh said...

Er....if I agree with that, you'll still sucky sucky in elCairo?

Ashraf said...

fo dolla, yo stink

Feshfesh said...

you so expensive.

NileGirl said...

Why did the syrians harrass you guys? Ghalasa wi ilit adab wi khalas? Please tell you that you shatamtoohum when they what they said about cairo.

Jade said...

Yeshtemoohom leih NG?
We really are all 3ahirat in Cairo - & Egypt in general...
Hahirat the Government!

Feshfesh said...

NileGirl, Well, they were your typical zobat shorta that you find in Egypt. It was 2am in the small airport of Alleppo, so yeah they had nothing else to do.

We were stunned actually, and didn't know what's happening until it became clear that they have the authority to put us on a plane back to elCairo if we didn't "cooperate". So we did.

Feshfesh said...

Jade, I don't think that the average Syrian dude is really well rounded and knows the ins and outs of all the Arab govermants.

Simply, it's historical, since 1973 and Sadaat (and the whole of Egypt for that matter) have been hated in Syria because we are Jew-loving-traitors.

Jade said...

Ha Ha cracking a joke!
Foo!

Feshfesh said...

D'oH!

Jade said...

You are forgiven.

Feshfesh said...

That's it?! I'm off the hook?!

I was looking for a fight, that might be followed by some steamy make-up action?

Jade said...

Na! Mesh 3al fady w 3al malyan keda...
When you do something really big - we will see about that - but so far you've been 2aleef... & thus you should be petted & treated accordingly...

Feshfesh said...

ugh... I'll be in my room... I need some "alone time".

NileGirl said...

Yikhrib 3a'lukum... when are you two gonna quit the foreplay and get on with it already? :P

I only ask cuz I wanna watch of course. I've never seen a polar bear wearing leather chaps being whipped by a tall dominatrix. Sounds interesting.

And yishtimhum tab3an!! I would have! I think I would have. ok I'm not sure I would have but I would have liked to for sure.

Jade said...

Oh dear cute little NG...

Do not make assumptions my girl... you dont know what already goes on behind these walls.

*Jade gives a quick glance to Fesh before he speaks.

"What did I say about wanting to discuss it with your friends - eh boy?"

Feshfesh said...

*Fesh sits silently wondering whether he is the Polar Bear or the Dominatrix.....during college days he has done a lot of things he aint proud of....

Munqy said...

Oh hello. This is what I get for spending two days disconnected. I've missed all the fun - even Auk showed up ffs!!

Ashraf said...

mnuqy yo fooo, shut up and watch in silence... its getting really steamed up and they don't know we're here!

nilegirl said...

what the heck is ffs?

Munqy said...

For
F's
Sake

Yes, I have existed on the internet for far too much of my adult life.

Feshfesh said...

The second 'F' stands for 'Fesh' off course.

diptychal said...

I clicked on this link with the intention of making some sort of intelligent comment about your experiment there and got lost somewhere between steamy make up action and polar bears in leather chaps and I forgot what I wanted to say...

Feshfesh said...

Hehehehehe... welcome to my blog :) Doesn't matter what I blog about it always turns into some steamy action, great crowd! :)

But hey, if you remember you comment, would appreciate it :)