Friday, September 28, 2007

Interesting Reflexes

Yesterday I almost hit a car, and no I wasn't driving. You're wondering how a pedestrian can hit a car? simple the pedestrian just needs to be equally absent minded. I was crossing the street and after the car passed me slowly, I started to cross and I hit the tires with my shoe. It didn't hurt or anything, but I involuntarily pulled my leg back, which got me thinking about the interesting topic of Reflexes. You know, hitting your knee with a hammer gets your leg to move forward? What? it is interesting?!

So I wikied for reflexes and kept on reading and then I came across an intriguing piece of info, some human reflexes are only available in infants! As we grow up we 'lose' those reflexes. The grasp reflex in infants mean they usually grasp with very strong grip to anything put in their hands. The hand-to-mouth reflex however means infants tend to place anything in their hand in their mouth. This got me thinking about the immense practical-joke possibilities if those reflexes stuck around until we're annoying 8-year olds. For example:

Grasp reflex:
1.Place massive roach in dude's hand...and CRACK!
2.Place sleeping dude's hand around his balls...and OUTCH! (nice, han?)

Hand-to-mouth reflex:
1.Place slimy disgusting worm in dude's hand. (do you think it would taste like spaghetti?)
2.Place piece of poo in dude's hand. (mmmmmm....pooo)

Oh and don't get me started on the sucking reflex... too many mental images.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

The Touchy-Feely Bill

I'm a very untouchy, unfeely person. Call me cold or emotionally crippled as you wish I don't care. Back in Egypt it's very common for guys to hug and/or kiss for hello. Not to mention that some folks in Egypt apply the European etiquette and guys kiss girls for hello or goodbye. And what's with all the hand shaking going around? I really don't get it, why do we have to be so touchy-feely? I can easily acknowledge seeing someone with a nice 'Good Morning, how is everything?', a nod and a smile while I am 0.5 meters from that person! I always hate it when one of them touchy-feely folks arrive and he has to touch all 15 people sitting around the table, that's just wrong.

Sometime I think about the Touchy-Feely bill, which will be the first piece of legislation that I'll pass during my first week in office. It will mandate the following:
1. Handshaking shall be restricted to formal and business introductions.
2. Kissing for hellos and goodbyes is completely banned, The exception will be family, where moderation will be required.
3. Hugging will only be allowed in case you have not met the other person for a period greater than or equal to 3 months.
4. All lame touchy-feely "coaching" moves like patting on the back, shoulder or arm shall be considered sexual harassment in the workplace and are banned effective today.
5. All forms of touchy-feelyness between guys will be banned, touchy-feelyness however will be encouraged between hot chikitas. Ideally with some Chocolate Syrup involved ...*ahm*... can we strike that last part from the text of the bill?

ahh... the world would be a better place when I become 'Big Brother'

Monday, September 24, 2007

A Good Conspiracy, Anyone?

I am a conspiracy theory buff. I appreciate good ones and I despise the half-breeds who believe really stupid conspiracies. The stupidest conspiracy theory of all time is the one that claims that the Moon landing was faked. This theory is SO stupid I'm always tempted to punch those half-breeds in the face whenever I see one of those weirdos.... GRRRRRRRRR!
*breath-in*....*breath-out*........ much better.

Let me take a step-back and explain, conspiracy theories are a result of missing pieces of info right? Think for example the Kennedy assassination and the deal with the 'Magic Bullet'. Now that's a good conspiracy theory because there so much missing information. While with the Moon landing, the fools forgot that this was a scientific mission with the sole objective of collecting information?! The amount of information, pictures, rocks, soil samples and even parts of former unmanned space probes that were brought back is immense! And all of that 'evidence' was not sealed in the CIA's basement, it was shared with the WHOLE international body of scientists from everywhere in the world (Europe, Japan, Russia...etc)!

My silver bullet for those half-breeds who believe this crappy theory is the fact that there exists a world-wide network of observatories that measure the position of the Moon (up to millimeters of precision) via deflecting light off retro-reflectors that were place on the Moon by the Apollo missions....ah...which have been used by the WHOLE world to measure the position of the Moon for the last THIRTY-FIVE years?! Again, this data was about the position of the Moon was not 'published' by NASA, this data was and is used by all countries in the world in a very similar way like we use GPS now?! It actually uses the same 'concept' as GPS. But you don't see anyone claiming that GPS was faked right? Stupid half-breeds.

The ultimate conspiracy theory for me is the whole 'Da Vinci Code' plot, that I like. Any favorite theories?

Friday, September 21, 2007

The Alchemist

I just finished reading the book, yes, I know, I'm ancient. I found it to be a very inspiring read and after reading The Lord of the Rings for the last 6 months, I found it conveniently short too. Interestingly, I loved the introduction and the 'topics for discussion' at the end of the book more than the book itself. Being an ultimate nerd, I love discussing books and since I'm not in any of the kool book clubs (they keep rejecting my application), I decided to discuss a very interesting discussion topic here. Here goes:

4. When he talked about the pilgrimage to Mecca, the crystal merchant argued that having a dream is more important than fulfilling it, which is what Santiago was trying to do. Do you agree with Santiago's rationale or the crystal merchant's?

The book wants you to walk away with 'Santiago's rational' as the answer. I would love to say that too but isn't what the crystal merchant doing what the majority of us do? Have a 'dream' to live for? Who from us doesn't have his/her 'Mecca'? But I would argue that very few of us are the ones who are actually working against this and trying to find their 'treasure'. The book actually reinforces that fulfilling your dream and realizing your Personal Legend is no easy task. I guess my point is: Isn't Santiago's rationale too 'ideal'? Can we live in a world were everyone has either realized their Personal Legend or are working against it? Too Utopian? And if you agree that it is too Utopian, wouldn't the crystal merchant's rational totally make sense?

Friday, September 14, 2007

Famous Fesh - Phase II

In my last post I had only 7 proposed titles and ended up with 36 thanks to you. So I decided to get technical about my selection technique. As your typical Corporate Slut would do, I opened my beloved XL and copied all 36 in, then I started to populate the columns. I had a couple of columns:
Kudoses: How many readers have blessed this proposed title
Length: What’s the length of the title in letters. Later I got the average. 14.5 letters.
Catchy: A binary column either 1 i.e. Catchy, else 0.
Feshy: Another binary column where 1 indicate an uberly Feshy title.
Short: if less than or equal the average 1, else 0.
JSoA: Jade’s Stamp of Approval, if approved by Jade then 1 else 0.
I then assigned a weight to each of the 4 binary columns in the following fashion: Catchy: 20%, Feshy: 50%, Short: 20%, JSoA: 10% which resulted in the weighted average column ranging from 0 to 1. I then multiplied this column with the number of Kudoses awarded for each title and got the final scores as follows:

Now, you can:
A. Pity me for doing all this just to select a title.
B. Close the window now and NEVER read my blog again.
C. Pity me and then choose to vote for your favorite from 1-16.

What’s it going to be?

Saturday, September 08, 2007

Famous Fesh

Last week I took the first step towards my glamorous career to-be as a world renowned writer..... you can laugh at me now, but you'll come begging for my friendship later. So we have at work a newsletter that is published quarterly, it's a decent publication and with around 200+ folks at the office it has a good readers base. I shared with the editor one of the posts I had here on my blog and I proposed I edit it out and offer him an article for every issue. He like the idea and offered me my very own column!

As a result I have been struggling over the last few days with the title of my column. Here's what I am considering about the title:
  • Needs to be catchy
  • Needs to have 'Fesh' in it. (yes my narcissistic instincts, sue me).
  • Needs to be short.
So far I've but together a list:
  • FeshFeshiyat
  • FeshFeshy
  • Chronicles of the Fesh
  • Ramblings of the Fesh
  • Fesh's Corner
  • SIMPL Fesh (read it as 'simple Fesh' but the first part is a business inside joke)
  • Fesh: Business Transformed. (again a business inside joke)
What do you think? Like any of them? All crap? Can you suggest?

Friday, September 07, 2007

Pyramids & Quadrants

Like all animals, we, Homo Corpratuses (Man The Corporate Offices Dweller) have our tools. We chose the Pyramids & Quadrants. We became so proficient in using them that no single meeting, presentation, document or training can be a proper one without the right mix of pyramids & quadrants. Take pyramids for example, they can represent any of the following: a 3-pillared strategy, a 3-pillared strategy with one objective (that's put inside), 3-pillared strategy with 3 goals (each put on the side) or my all-time favorite: the n-layer pyramid-pie; where n>=2. The n-layer pyramid-pie is usually used to spell out the priorities rising from the least (at the base) to the most important (at the top).

What we've done with pyramids is nothing compared to our systematic abuse of the quadrants. You name it: Time Management, Energy Management, Priority Management and even Vendor Management, they all have 4 quadrants. We use quadrants so much that quadrant-reading has become a natural instinct for us. Now we instinctively seek the One quadrant of them all. The One quadrant that rules them all. The Holy Upper Right Quadrant.

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Drinking, As a Way of Life

I believe there are things in life that are really undervalued. Take drinking for example, most people would think it's just a social activity. Some would even claim it's unhealthy!*cough*blasphemy*cough*. But if you look at it this way:

"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers." - Cliff (Cheers)

This is so right, on so many levels that I can die peacefully now. Thanks Sensei Munqy for showing me the light. I am, again, forever indebted.

Saturday, September 01, 2007

Could I Live Here?

Today I found an Internationale Herlad Tribune (dated 31st May 2007) folded and tucked under my couch! I was surprised to find it there, usually I pick an IHT on the plane and leave it there. As I opened it I remembered why I kept it. On page 5, Verlyn Klinkenborg wrote an article titled: Driving across America where he raised one very intriguing thought. He mentioned that as he drove into a new town, he found himself wondering: could I live here?

Two years ago when I was touring Europe, I remember stopping in a deserted street in Pisa, Italy and pointing to a 3rd floor balcony and saying to aku: I could live here, hell I even have a picture to prove it! Klinkenborg goes on to explain that what he is actually asking is not whether he could live here or not, but rather: who would I be if I did live here? although I never asked myself this question, I always thought how my life could look like, if I lived here. What would be my job? hobbies? how would my family look like?... this is very interesting. I always dismissed those thoughts as childish imagination, now finally I discover that other people do it too! I think I'll hang on to the newspaper for a little bit more :)