Wednesday, June 11, 2008

The Age of Information

Remember the good old days when all the statistics you got about a football match came after the match ended in the form of a simple table that listed four or five measures like: goals, cards, fouls, shots on goal? ah... I yearn for such days. Over the last few World Cups, I learned to accept that the statistics became more intrusive, often creeping into the screen in the middle of a good play, just to distract you. I also learned to accept how stalkerishly individual the stats became. Every now and then they'd show you how many shots a certain player did or fouls, it's cool.

Watching the Euro 2008 nowadays, I feel the organizers decided to take it to the 'Oh-yeah-we-can-calculate-THAT' level. Whenever a player is being substituted they'd show, along with the normal stats, those two annoying ones:
1. Passes Complete: 95 (79%). Why? Eitherway we don't see this stat for all the other players? And not to mention it doesn't tell us anything. He could have a low passing accuracy but passed a few brilliant passes that got the team their goals. And how are they calculating this? Is it automated or do they have a poor soul watching each player and counting (using an abacus) all passes and which of them is successfully completed and which is not?
2. Distance: 8.91km. Okay, for their own sakes, I hope that they have a GPS bug on all players that is reporting that because if they are calculating that any other way then they are truly showing off.

And if they have the technology (or the cheap abacus-using labour) why don't they put it to work on on some of those ideas:
For defenders:
- Untruthfully raising hand to claim last attack was offside (as %)
- Untruthfully claiming it's a goal kick not a corner kick (as %)
Midfield/Attack:
- Pretending it was a foul (as a %)
- Taking a dive for a penalty (as a %)

See the kool thing about those stats is that gradually they'll start to taint players who keep lying on the field. Not to mention, as more and more of those stats will be needed, I'll get into the abacus business and make billions of dongs! I'll then build a 3am dahab vault and swim in a sea of dongs....ah...that's the dream. And no, it's not gay. Not at all.

8 comments:

Munqy said...

I have it from a very reliable source that the next stat they're introducing is number of times testicles got caught between thighs while running vs embarassing on-pitch erections.

Also, Dongs? How much random trolling around the internet did you have to do to come up with that?

Feshfesh said...

Oh embarrassing on-pitch erections(EoE) is a good one.. talk about expanding your demographic.. currently mostly straight men watch games.. now imagine if some teams start marketing themselves as the ones with the highest EoE... chicks and gays would start watching!

...and shut-up... never under-estimate the randomness of my internet trolling...

Munqy said...

I'm gonna be all politically correct now and say that I find your sexist, homophobic comments positively disgusting. Girls and homosexual guys do watch footie to see tito.

Feshfesh said...

Dude, my dream includes me swimming in a sea of dongs... that by definition gives me a 5-year immunity against being called a homophob.

But good point about tito, imagine the possibilities if we have a high scoring team (EoE-wise) with good titos? They'd win the world cup.

Jade said...

Where is the creepy old man?

Feshfesh said...

The COM is now the head coach of Netherlands. They are ON FIRE?!

Jade said...

Where have you been stranger?
Engulfed in the Euros walah eh?
Where is COM? What has he done to you??
Am starting to believe that you went to him for a potion & he took you for a little African Slave...


*WOAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Feshfesh said...

Man.. you couldn't have come at a better timing... first nite with no Euro matchs : ((((((((((((((

can't.concentrate.need.match.fix...