Where is Kim?

It's a shame when people fail to live up to their expectations. You see, Kim Jong II didn't show-up at the 60th anniversary of North Korea's foundation and he is rumored to be ill. I don't get that. So here's a true dictatorship that -might- have a secret nuclear weapons program and feeds Nazi-style propaganda to its citizens daily about how the West is conspiring against North Korea and then Kim doesn't show-up?! Rookies.

So, for you North Korean intelligence folks who regularly follow my blog, couple of tricks:
Cancel the event: Flood the newspapers and the state TV with stories about how the CIA had a plot to assassinate the 'beloved leader' during the parade. Kim would then be transported to a safe facility until the threat has been stabilized. That would buy you a week or two to figure something out.

Not in the mood for a dramatic story that can get you some heat from the USofA? (that's assuming the US is not actually trying to assinate him? ouuuuuuuu.. think about that) ....*ahm*... sorry about that, so, here's a solid one that's known to work:

The double: Let's be honest, the dude wears scuba diving glasses for sunglasses. And yes, Asians all look alike. So bring in a dude who would do nothing but wave and sit there and look pretty. That's how true dictatorships run their business. Panzis.

No time to find a double? Well, I don't know. I haven't given it much thought. But for God's sake, in a country where TV is controlled by the state, why would you video a close-up that clearly shows that Kim is missing? Oh, and please brief your diplomats on what to say. Claiming that this whole thing is a "conspiracy plot" only works if you have a credible story or a picture of Kim holding today's newspaper.... which technically you guys could Photoshop... ugh.. I'm too good for this shit.