The Fluffy Post

So yeah, I have been tagged by Daily and I am now required, by article 5 of The Unwritten Code of Bloggers, to comply. Damn you Daily.

See, I have tried so hard to make this blog about things that I find strange, entertaining or just downright stupid. Therefore a list of ten things I am thankful for, will be a diversion. Then again, I don't want to be the dude who violates The Unwritten Code... not after what happened to that Vietnamese blogger. It was horrible, I still have nightmares about that. But that's a topic for another post.

I am thankful for:
1. My family, my friends and my interests in life.
2. Girl-on-girl porn.
3. Ale-ke-hole.
4. The dude who invented Risk (the board game).
5. Shroooooms.
6. Regular porn.
7. Baba Abdou. (mmmmmm.... sodo2)
8. Girl-on-girl porn. (I know! It's too good).
9. George W. Bush.
10. World peace.

Okay, okay, you got me. I am not THAT thankful for world peace, I ran out of ideas and I thought that squeezing in another girl-on-girl porn was going to be pushing it.

The Blasphemous Post

I wonder if God is kool. All religions do a good job painting a picture of God as almighty and all-knowing. But is he kool? Because you see, if he is kool, he'd be kool in a Godly way. That is: Kool.

Probably the best way to check for God's koolness would be, unfortunately, after you die. After God has gone through your short list of good deeds, he'll start reading the other, longer one. How he reacts to this list will be a dead (huh? huh? see it's funny becuase you are dead... get it? *nudge *nudge) giveaway. If he's like: well, you didn't kill anyone, didn't rob a bank and never intentionally hurt anyone so you're alright (maybe gives you fist bump? oh sorry, a Godly fist bump). Then he's kool. If he'll bring up that time in 3rd grade when you had an extra cookie that technically "was not yours", he's not.

I have a feeling that God is kool. Of course if he is kool, he would also have an interesting sense of humor. I imagine that after he lets me into Heaven he'll add: Wait. Do you see this uber hot chikita over there? The one next to the pyramid of free donuts? Yes, I reply. You can not touch either, he adds.

Three minutes later I would be roasting in Hell's eternal fire thinking: That was totally worth it.

Note: This post was brought to you in collaboration with Munqy, who has also not been posting for a while since Jade promised us a revealing video if we did post on the same day. You can find proof here. Jade, now you have to do good on your promise.

Goto 10

It's interesting how personal websites are making a comeback now. You see, 10 years ago it was hip to have a personal website; there you maintained your pictures, contact info and you tried as hell to update it frequently. It never worked. A few years later and we suddenly have Blogger for your posts, Flicker for your photos and then Facebook for....hmmm...everything? So people abandoned their personal websites.

In a true Goto 10* fashion, more and more people are now bringing back their personal websites. It's retro and all. A genius came up with some scripts to import YOUR data from the various websites back into your new pimp'in (and dont forget retro) personal website. People suddenly realized the huge potential of those scripts. Suddenly you could have all YOUR data in YOUR personal website! That's gold! Of course, you need to keep maintaining your contact info on Facebook, your posts on Blogger and your tweets on Twitter. Not to mention that you need to implement all those tricky scripts that will import everything back to *ahm* your personal website?

errrr... don't you love it when technology makes our life easier?

*For the non-nerds, early programs used to label each line of code with a number. So the first line got 10 then 20 and so forth. 'Goto 10' became the equivalent of repeating or going back to where you started. So, next time you're out for a couple of beers with your kool non-nerdy friends, casually drop a Goto 10 comment. It's bound to make you -even more- unpopular.

Where is Kim?

It's a shame when people fail to live up to their expectations. You see, Kim Jong II didn't show-up at the 60th anniversary of North Korea's foundation and he is rumored to be ill. I don't get that. So here's a true dictatorship that -might- have a secret nuclear weapons program and feeds Nazi-style propaganda to its citizens daily about how the West is conspiring against North Korea and then Kim doesn't show-up?! Rookies.

So, for you North Korean intelligence folks who regularly follow my blog, couple of tricks:
Cancel the event: Flood the newspapers and the state TV with stories about how the CIA had a plot to assassinate the 'beloved leader' during the parade. Kim would then be transported to a safe facility until the threat has been stabilized. That would buy you a week or two to figure something out.

Not in the mood for a dramatic story that can get you some heat from the USofA? (that's assuming the US is not actually trying to assinate him? ouuuuuuuu.. think about that) ....*ahm*... sorry about that, so, here's a solid one that's known to work:

The double: Let's be honest, the dude wears scuba diving glasses for sunglasses. And yes, Asians all look alike. So bring in a dude who would do nothing but wave and sit there and look pretty. That's how true dictatorships run their business. Panzis.

No time to find a double? Well, I don't know. I haven't given it much thought. But for God's sake, in a country where TV is controlled by the state, why would you video a close-up that clearly shows that Kim is missing? Oh, and please brief your diplomats on what to say. Claiming that this whole thing is a "conspiracy plot" only works if you have a credible story or a picture of Kim holding today's newspaper.... which technically you guys could Photoshop... ugh.. I'm too good for this shit.

My Interesting Friends

This vacation, I spent some time with my creative friend aku. He works for an advertising agency and I was introduced to the fascinating, and at times chaotic, world of advertising. From designing a new packaging to coming-up with a TV ad story board. The most fun experience however was seeing the steps involved in coming up with a radio ad. First, finding the right jingle. A massive hunt across a monstrous music collection for the right song. When the song is located, the copywriter comes up with a variety of scripts that rhymes with the music and conveys the message of the ad. Then, demo time! Everyone in the office joins in a fun exercise of recording a rough version of the ad to preview with the client (note to self: voice modeling is definitely not for me, not with my fabulous 'r's). Finally, the fun part, the actual recording. After a demo is selected we booked a time at a professional studio and I watched as every track was recorded separately and later mixed. It's amazing how much work is involved in those 30-second radio ads! I have a new found appreciation for them.

Visiting the construction site that another friend manages was alarmingly fun too. Seeing the plans and the amount of thinking that goes into each and every detail. Also the amount of tests conducted to ensure that everything is done according to specification is just mind-blowing. I also got to learn interesting facts, for example, the sewage grid works by gravity! This meant that they had to design the whole internal sewage network with a slight tilt so that the lowest point is actually where the compound's internal sewage grid joins the main grid. And speaking about sewage, did you know that manhole covers can fetch three thousand EGP's ($600) a piece?! How I know? Well, I almost fell through an uncovered manhole near the construction site!

I have interesting friends.

Homosexual elCairo

Reading Elaswany's Yacoubian Building, I was surprised with the way he portrayed homosexuality in elCairo. I always felt it was very uncommon, but as I looked into this and talked with people who have gay friends, I realized that the homosexual community is alive and well. I'm fine with that, except with one thing. I find it very strange that many young men chose their sexuality without even having a chance of a healthy straight relationship.

Let me explain, I understand that many feel that you are either born straight or gay. Though I am not totally convinced with that, let's assume that's true for the argument's sake. So, assume a dude living in a Western country is born gay but still is confused about his sexuality. This dude will have the choice to try a healthy straight healthy relationship and see how things go, if all is well, great. If not, then he knows he's gay. That is clear to me and I'd respect that dude's choice.

Problem is, you can't really map this scenario to elCairo. It's a very conservative society and my gut feeling is that more than 90% of the population never have the chance for a healthy straight relationship before marriage. And by healthy I mean a couple, who have feelings for each other, having a physical relationship. So, no, buying your friend a hooker does not count. Therefore, the majority of the dudes who 'think' they are gay, will never -eitherway- get a chance to try out a healthy straight relationship.

So in a weird way, elCairo is like a big all-male prison for many of the young guys out there.Weak-minded, sexually frustrated and with no viable option for a healthy straight relationship, many drop their soap and take a deep breath. Sad, if you ask me.

Battle Plans: War of the Heavyweights

The uneasy peace that lasted since The Battle was finally lifting and the great Munqian, Ellcian and Feshfeshian arimes prepared for war. Much will be said about the epic battle that followed, but for now you can find Munqy's account of the War of the Heavyweights.

The Olympic Post

I love the Olympics, especially team sports. With those sports there's so much happening: performance of individual players, the team's strategy, the other team's strategy....etc. Even with one-on-one games, like Tennis, you get to watch the athlete's talent and how he/she reacts to the other player he/she is competing with.

But you know what I don't get? Single-player games. If you, an Olympic athlete, can't run the 100 meter in +/- 5% of the Olympic record, tell me again why are you here? Seriously? Okay, true story. I watched weightlifting the otherday and I believe the Olympic record was 185kg, which is really impressive seeing that the weightlifters where like 60kg. The dude who got the Gold medal (a little feisty Chinese dude) tried to lift 186kg and failed in his last attempt. That, makes sense. But when you look at the bottom half of the "Olympic athletes" who competed with him, you see that most of them failed to even lift 160kg in their last attempt?! Can someone explain this to me? With team or one-on-one games you can always say that the other team/athlete was better. But if you can't even come close to the Olympic record be it in running, swimming or weightlifting... what the hell are you doing here?

Only in Egypt

Why is it that 'Only in Egypt' became a cliche for backward things you find in Egypt? A few days ago I took a train from Alexandria to elCairo and I had a positive Only in Egypt experience.

The train was fully booked, so I got on the train and was hoping for an empty seat. As soon as I got in, I was greeted by 3am 3iesa who sensed I wanted a seat. 3am 3iesa is an employee of EgyptBahn and is basically the do-it-all-dude for the car I was in, from helping passengers with their bags and seats to opening the doors when we reach the station. 3am 3iesa quickly searched the car and then came back and sadly informed me that the car was full. I thanked him for trying and got my book out to start reading, but he quickly interrupted me and pointed to the makeshift seat he just put together for me. The seat was basically a greasy cylindrical train-part and ontop of it sat a small square piece of cardboard and it was propped-up in the tiny space between the door and the toilet.

For the next two hours, passerbys (who worked on the train) would greet 3am 3iesa and shake his hand and then quickly turn to me (since I was 'with' 3am 3iesa) and warmly shake my hands and welcome me too. Even the tea-and-coffee dude, who actually doesn't pass by the area I was sitting at, went out of his way to check if I needed a drink. When I asked for tea, he quickly asked: With mint?

That day I was reminded how in Egypt people are amazingly creative at adjusting. Propping-up a makeshift seat is a simple thing, but if you have lived in Egypt, you'd know how this mentality of 'adjusting to life' is everywhere. Be it the fact that cars and flats in Egypt are more expensive than in some parts of Europe, while salaries are but a fraction. Or the fact that Egypt has extremely modest medical and social security systems. Or the many other things.

Only in Egypt do people adjust to all of this.

elCairo BABY!

My belated bragging post. I'm chilling in elCairo, enjoying the weather, food, spending time with the family, meeting old and new friends. It's überkwel.

Pls expect the dismal blogging activity to continue till end of August.

The AntiApple Post

*Fesh pets his überPod.

Have you noticed how over the last few years Apple Fundamentalism has been on the rise? Former PCians are being converted en masse by fundamentalists who preach how their new Apple computer "changed their life". I came across one of the pamphlets those hard-line Applians use to recruit lost souls. The pamphlet highlights the five pillars of The Applian Doctrine:

1. God intended everything to be Apple, some lost their way.
2. Apple's OS has been coded by God. Line-by-line that is. So it's immaculate and error-free. It's blasphemous to claim otherwise.
3. God will smite any virus or worm if it attempts to infect an Apple machine.
4. You don't need to know why you want an Apple machine. You have to trust that it's the right thing for you. (a.k.a. the "La Tonakiesh Wala Togadel Ya Akh Ali" argument).
5. If you accept the Applian Doctrine, you need to convert 5 of your friends or God will turn you into a mouse. A two-button PC mouse, not one of those sexy Apple ones. Your choice.

So, even if you're a follower of The Enlightened One and hate The Great Satan, you have to admit that this is überkool.

My 200th Post!

It's awards season once more! As it is customary I will be awarding my last 100 post fakey awards. You can see last year's awards here. Here goes:

Most Visually Disturbing Post co-awarded to: Bounce Fesh, Bounce & Pickled Eggs, Anyone?
Most Worrying Post awarded to: Salam, Brother & My Evil uberPod
Most Condescending Post co-awarded to: The Mars Hoax & The Stupidity of the Masses
Most Inappropriate Post awarded to: Can't Help It
Most Useful Post awarded to: Let the Anal Probing Begin!
Best Psychotic Series awarded to: Black Fesh 1.0, 2.0, 3.0, 4.0, 5.0. 6.0 & 7.0
Most Polska-specific Post awarded to: The Sand Nigger
Geekiest Post awarded to: Lord of the Fesh
Best Dilbert-style Post awarded to: Consider THIS!
Most Fesh-specific Post awarded to: The Touchy-Feely Bill
Most Potential to End Life on Earth awarded to: Wait For It..
Most Ingenious Concept awarded to: *EFPoC(tm) Moments

This year's Most Popular post, by number of comments, is awarded to: Blog Bitch! Blog!

Thank you and pls stay tuned for 2009's awards to be announced August 2009.

Grow Up, Will You?

The best thing I like about the personal status (say on Google Talk or Facebook) is that you get the most unexpected comments. One time I had in my status that I was driving on the autobahn and an old friend, who I didn't talk with for months, got in touch and he told me a couple of interesting stories about when he was in Germany. That's why I always try to have my personal status as 'stand-alone' as possible, so that people can read it, understand it and if they choose act on it. Of course we've all occasionally felt a tat philosophical and had our status message as an old Chinese proverb, it's okay.

What I don't understand though are people on my list who consistently have those very abstract comments in their personal messages like "Oh, yes I will." Sure, it's their personal status, so they can knock themselves out, but really, what's the intent? I could think of three:
1. To send a specific someone a message, because some of those messages seem very personal in nature but they are abstract enough for the rest of us not to understand. If people are twisted enough to do this (instead of, say, talk to the person?) then they are sick, seriously.
2. To have people contact them wanting to understand their personal message. This is sad. Luring people to have some interest in your pathetic, pathetic life? Really?
3. To entertain themselves. Hmmm.. need I say more?

I think I should drop those folks off my list. No wait, maybe I should first set my personal message to "I'm removing YOU from my list" and then drop them? Afterwards, I'd change my message to "Ironic, isn't it?" so that I can have my other friends ask me about it and then I get to tell that story to them before they drop me off their lists.

Note: Zeez, if you still read my blog, this post is inspired by your recent personal status! :)

The USofE - Take II

Oh I gloated when I read this article about Sarkozy saying that the Irish will have to vote again after they shot-down the Lisbon treaty back in June. Why? Because back in July I wrote this post.

Principally Sarkozy had no right to mandate that the Irish vote again, but I can't help but understand his position. Most of the reasons the no-campaign in Ireland used to reject the Lisbon Treaty were not actually valid concerns, but that's not the issue. The issue is that a big part of the no-voters actually voted this way for issues not related to the Lisbon Treaty. The fishermen wanted better terms and the farmers wanted more subsidies. So in essence the no-voters manipulated the system for their own benefit. And in in doing so they derailed a very delicate EU-wide process.

If a government abuses its powers, just like what the Irish no-voters did, it would be quickly called a dictatorship and everyone would rally against it. But what happens if the citizens abuse their rights? Nothing, they will eventually be asked to vote again. Ironic isn't it?

Wait For It...

So CERN is getting ready to fire up its Doomsday Device in August. How do you think the thriving underground world of doomsday cults is preparing for this, obviously, very relevant event?

The Story Behind the News

Whenever I read a piece of news, I always wonder the story behind it. So today I read this:

Russia reduced its oil supplies to the Czech Republic by half for “technical reasons”. The cut came just after the Czechs agreed to host an American missile-defence radar. Strangely, the technical reasons did not affect oil supplies to any of the Czechs’ neighbours.

Which, you have to admit, is really kool. In my opinion, it takes more balls to pull something like that off than to openly threaten another country. Open threats have lost their appeal. Iran is threatening the US and Israel and the West is threatening Zimbabwe and realistically nothing is happening. So in my head here's how Russia's oil stunt actually happened:

*Mr. Medevedev is sitting on a large throne in the middle of a huge hall in the Kremlin draped in a black cloak. He is at the rightmost tip of the scene. A Kremlin trooper enters the scene running from the left and the camera zooms in to always keep both him and Mr. Medevedev at both ends of the scene. The trooper stops a few meters from the throne and gets down on one knee, Mr. Medevedev does not move.

Kremlin Trooper: Ma'Lord, I have news from from the Czech rebel base.
Emperor Medevedev: Speak..
Kremlin Trooper: The Czech rebels have agreed to host a part of the American missile defense shield.
Emperor Medvedev: Putin, what do you plan to do about this?
*Putin, who was standing in the shadow behind Emperor Medvedev's throne, enters the scene as the Kremlin Trooper leaves. Putin is wearing a distinctive head gear.
Darth Putin: I'll take care of it. Maybe a "problem" would hit the Czech's supply lines.
Emperor Medevedev: Gooooood, Gooooooood

The Shameful Post

So Munqy tagged me and I must admit the main thought running thru my mind while reading his list was that mine is going to be shorter.... ugh..... it's gym class all over again...*ahm*. So here's the deal, on those categories where my knowledge of the field is equivalent to my proficiency in the accursed Frozen Wastelandeese tongue I've left them empty because really I have no clue. On the other categories I picked the most recent work that caught my attention, so call it my 'current favorite'.

• Favorite Author: Khalid Hosseini
  
• Favorite Book: The Kite Runner
  
• Favorite Artist: ---
• Favorite Artwork: ---
  
• Favorite Poet:--- (gay?)
  
• Favorite Poem: ---(gay-er?)
  
• Favorite Singer: ---(I love you Michael! AWO!*ahm* shut up)
  
• Favorite Song: Bon Jovi's Welcome to Wherever You Are.
  
• Favorite Actor: Homer Simpson / Stewie Griffin (screw you, they count as actors)
  
• Favorite Director: ---
  
• Favorite Film: Lord of War

Happy Feshday: 27

The world celebrates today the Feshday. I have a very good feeling about this Feshday, I feel turning 27 is going to usher in a new Fesh! Oh and interestingly I did some research and seems the Feshday is celebrated elsewhere in the world! For example in Tanzania, Ukraine and Japan!

Islamophobia

A few months ago I started working with our inhouse Catbert (all hail the evil director of human resources) on instituting a policy for foreigners working in the Frozen Wastelands to be able to go back to their home country and work from there for a temporary period. My rational was simple. Foreigners go back home see friends and family. So after the initial week off you start getting bored since all your friends are eitherway at work, hence my reco for having this policy.

Though I tried to be as logical as possible, still Catbert shot down most of the material and data I shared. Having exhausted all possible channels I decided to unleash the most potent of my weapons: Islamophobia. You see, we have one Muslim dude here who has been very vocal about having this policy since he wants to spend Ramadan in Egypt, which is a fair request.

So, we get into a meeting and this dude presents his case and I quote: "I can't spend Ramadan here, since Ramadan now is coming in Summer, which means I will have to fast from 2am till 10pm, which I can't do". Catbert politely asked a few follow-up questions to understand why so and then she understood that the fasting is linked to sunrise and sunset. And then Catbert's tone totally changed and she seemed to have developed an understanding for the need for this policy.

I was surprised how Catbert, a Frozen Wastelander, didn't object to the dude's claim that sunrise in the Wastelands is at 2am and sunset is at 10pm? Yes, the Wastelands is a northern country but 4 hours of darkness (in September?!) is more of North Pole territory! And just to be sure I did some surfing and here are the actual numbers:

1. For Cairo, and during September, the length of day starts at 12h 45mins and goes down to 11h 53 mins. Full listing here.
2. For the Wastelands, also during September, the length of day starts at 13h 35mins (only 50 mins more than Cairo) and drops to *drum roll* 11h 39m... yess ladies and gents..14 full mins shorter than the fasting time in Cairo! Full listing here.

Oh Islamophobia .... what can't you do?

The Age of Information

Remember the good old days when all the statistics you got about a football match came after the match ended in the form of a simple table that listed four or five measures like: goals, cards, fouls, shots on goal? ah... I yearn for such days. Over the last few World Cups, I learned to accept that the statistics became more intrusive, often creeping into the screen in the middle of a good play, just to distract you. I also learned to accept how stalkerishly individual the stats became. Every now and then they'd show you how many shots a certain player did or fouls, it's cool.

Watching the Euro 2008 nowadays, I feel the organizers decided to take it to the 'Oh-yeah-we-can-calculate-THAT' level. Whenever a player is being substituted they'd show, along with the normal stats, those two annoying ones:
1. Passes Complete: 95 (79%). Why? Eitherway we don't see this stat for all the other players? And not to mention it doesn't tell us anything. He could have a low passing accuracy but passed a few brilliant passes that got the team their goals. And how are they calculating this? Is it automated or do they have a poor soul watching each player and counting (using an abacus) all passes and which of them is successfully completed and which is not?
2. Distance: 8.91km. Okay, for their own sakes, I hope that they have a GPS bug on all players that is reporting that because if they are calculating that any other way then they are truly showing off.

And if they have the technology (or the cheap abacus-using labour) why don't they put it to work on on some of those ideas:
For defenders:
- Untruthfully raising hand to claim last attack was offside (as %)
- Untruthfully claiming it's a goal kick not a corner kick (as %)
Midfield/Attack:
- Pretending it was a foul (as a %)
- Taking a dive for a penalty (as a %)

See the kool thing about those stats is that gradually they'll start to taint players who keep lying on the field. Not to mention, as more and more of those stats will be needed, I'll get into the abacus business and make billions of dongs! I'll then build a 3am dahab vault and swim in a sea of dongs....ah...that's the dream. And no, it's not gay. Not at all.

Give Us Their Heads! Or Their Balls!

As it is customary, the Frozen Wastelands landed in the same group as Germany, just like in the world cup. The couple have an itchy relationship not only on the pitch but off it too. Like last year's comments by the, often comedic, Wastelands president at an EU meeting about how his country would have more voting power if it weren't for Nazi Germany... errr... I bet the room fell silent after what he said, well technically after what the translator said. So in honor of what this newspaper calls 'bitter nationalism' and ahead today's opening game for both teams, a Wastelandees tabloid published a disgusting article that pictured the Wastelandees coach carrying the decapitated heads(!) of Germany's captain and coach?! Under the picture it read: Give Us Their Heads! Well, I can understand the wastelandees frustration seeing that they never won any game against Germany. But decapitated heads, with blood dripping and all, is maybe, just maybe, taking it too far.

So, as it is also customary, the Wastelanders had their asses handed over to them by Ballack et al. But the real fun moments of the match were those:
1. A wastelander defender stepping on Germany's striker's balls (yeap with the football shoes that have the pointy-metal things at the bottom ..OUCH) and objecting to the referee's free kick?! Dude, you probably popped one of his jewels, the least you could do is let him limp his way to a free kick in peace?!
2. This "Polish" player coming into the field in second half-time...err.. initially I was like, wait that's the Euro2008, right? Not Champions League? But turns out he's 100% "Polish"... amazing! : )

Over-dramatizations

I came across this video which was the highest rated video on digg.com for the last week, so I thought it's worth watching. I was wrong. Without ruining the video for you, it introduces this conspiracy to turn the internet to be run like cable (with packages of websites for a certain monthly fee) vs. the current set-up. I didn't do any research on the claims in the video, but even if they have some truth to them, I'm surprised how it's always easier, much easier, to blow any potential issue out of proportion than give it its right size. There's always something on the news about how Climate Change will wipe humans off the surface of the Earth or how back in the Cold War, a minor glitch can bring on a nuclear holocaust...etc. The most annoying part of those over-dramatizations is way they undermine what we, humans, are capable of. It's true that we have drove ourselves into a few pitholes, but if you look at our history those were the exceptions. Personally, I choose to have faith in our capabilities.

One of my earliest posts was about how oil will never run out. It's impossible for me to believe that we will sit there and drain the last droplet of oil with a big straw. Just equally impossible for me to buy was that Y2K was going to destroy us or that the Internet, as we know it, will end in 2012. Why? Well, specifically when it comes to technology, the world has seen this before. The operating system monopoly Microsoft had in the early 90's? It just took one man to start the Linux/open source revolution that changed the game. How about when Yahoo/Hotmail started squeezing your email inboxes and trying to make you pay (maybe like cable?) for higher capacity? Along came Google and changed the game and now everyone offers free 5GB-10GB email accounts. Why should we assume that the millions (or is it billion(s)?) of people who connect to the internet daily will sit there and let some corporations, however big they are, tell them how to use the internet? I read somewhere that Google has been buying alot of unused fiber and constructing a network across the US. Can you imagine the amount money Google can make if they offer "free" access to this network, in case those other evil providers implement this doomsday scenario explained in the video? Everyone will switch to the Google's network (Gnet, if you wish) overnight. And if Google didn't do it, someone somewhere will and that person will be the richest man on Earth. It's that simple.

Yes, I choose to have faith in our collective ingenuity. And I loath those who think that without them, and their armature videos, however hawt the anchor's cleavage is, the world will end.

Let the Anal Probing Begin!

I'm sure you've heard about this. A hunter-gatherer tribe discovered that has had no contact with the outside world! Technically speaking the majority of the world was at this (and I'll use the wrong word here, for lack of a more expressive one) "evolutionary" stage before the rise of agriculture. We're talking pre-6th century BC! I'm sure anthropologists worldwide are organizing bitchin' parties now to celebrate this find, though the article says that NGOs are trying to keep those tribes uncontactable. I can understand that. Bringing them suddenly in contact with the world can threaten their way of life.

But how about if we ease them into a 'contact' with us? For example:
1. We get the best and brightest of Hollywood directors to stage a UFO landing near the tribe's camp. A silver spaceship lands at nigh and three humans descend from it claiming that they come in peace ....from the future!
2. We then experiment on how could two very different civilizations can communicate? Should we use pictures? exchange tools? music?
3. We analy probe some of them. I'm not sure why, but since aliens keep doing it to our abductees, then I'm sure it's the 'hip' thing to do now when it comes to making contact and all.
4. We offer to take their leader to our World Headquarters on the Moon. Then we release him (with his bow and arrow) in the middle of Manhattan. I'm sure that would be a killer reality show that one of the major networks would totally sponsor.
5. Finally, we destroy their camp with big laser guns! No, no... of course I'm kidding. We keep that for Iraq.

Amen!

I came across this quote by Neil Gaiman:

"It does help, to be a writer, to have the sort of crazed ego that doesn't allow for failure. The best reaction to a rejection slip is a sort of wild-eyed madness, an evil grin, and sitting yourself in front of the keyboard muttering 'Okay, you bastards. Try rejecting this!' and then writing something so unbelievably brilliant that all other writers will disembowel themselves with their pens upon reading it, because there's nothing left to write. Because the rejection slips will arrive. And, if the books are published, then you can pretty much guarantee that bad reviews will be as well. And you'll need to learn how to shrug and keep going. Or you stop, and get a real job."

This should be every writer's prayer. Writers want people to read what they have to say. They even want their writing to influence how people perceive the world around them. So it's no wonder that writers (and other creative professionals for that matter) take a lot of pride in what they do.

Personally, I must say this quote summarizes exactly how I feel after writing a good post or article. The overinflated ego, the feeling that this is the most brilliant piece of writing ever and even the evil grin! Hell, if I could afford a thunder/lightning machine, I'd install one at my place and turn it on right after posting/publishing anything and hiss:

Exxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxcellent.

The USofE

I've always been a fan of the EU and I continue to be impressed by the progress it has made in such a short period of time. So a few months back I started reading more about the EU and it's history. To be honest with you, I was looking for the catch. Nothing is perfect. So I came across the common things you hear in the news: expansion hiccups, domination by big nations (e.g. Germany) and no unified foreign policy (e.g. the Iraq war).

The EU constitutional treaty, a treaty that was supposed to place a common constitution in Europe and instead was rejected by French and Dutch national referendums, caught my attention. Something about it seemed fishy. Reading more about it, turns out it was pretty comprehensive, the Eurocrats wanted to go for 99.9% but that was too much so the voters rejected it. What happened next was an elaborate plan, the EU leaders signed the Lisbon treaty which is basically 80% of the constitutional treaty (calling for a permanent EU president among other things), but did it in a clever way that makes it ratifiable (if that's a word) by the national parliaments, except in Ireland, so that they don't risk another No.

Here's a story from Egypt: our constitution didn't have popular vote for the office of president. The way it worked was for the national parliament to nominate and vote for president. If the nominee didn't get a certain majority, I believe they had to repeat the procedure and if it's still the same issue then they go to popular vote. Growing-up I always saw the president getting 99.9%. In 2005, this changed due to various internal and external forces and the presidential vote became a popular one. The president won by 88%, after he had to run a campaign and explain his 6-year plan and run commercials in the TV. Something which didn't happen before.

See, it would be wrong of me to compare the EU to Egypt, clearly Egypt has a lot to learn from the EU. But it's a disturbing thought that wherever you live, even if in some of the most democratic countries in the world, all votes can be equal but some will always be more equal than others. Be it the Eurocrats or the ruling party's old guards.

Wastelandees Cultural Evening

So yeah, a friend took me to a Wastelandees Cultural Evening and it was really interesting. I sat thru my first Polish movie, which was without subtitles, produced in the 70's and "funny". I know. That was like a goldmine, tiny blog postlets kept popping-up in my head every 10 seconds! But unfortunately we didn't watch the whole thing. Pity. Oh and I listened live to the Wastelands' equivalent of Led Zeppelin! They had some nice music going on, I must say. The weather wasn't that great, but overall was very interesting experience!

By the way, did you notice how virtually all 70's movies, doesn't matter where they were produced, look exactly the same? Men in pale-colored suites and those thick-rimmed eyeglasses, women with those pointy eyeglasses and the same white/black/blue Chevys? This Wastelandees movie I watched looked exactly like any Egyptian or American 70's movie I've seen. Weird, han? I don't think it's the same for say 90's movies. I don't know why.

The Baker

Unlike cooking, which I knew I'd be horrible at, I somehow knew that I'd be a good baker (maybe it's because I'm addicted to the scent of freshly baked bread?). So I always wanted to try and bake bread. But in a second thought, I decided that my first baking experience should be a cake and not bread. See, with cake you could always claim that this "charcoal aftertaste" is your signature in pastries, but with bread that would be hard to sell. So after several trips to the supermarket and a lot of online articles there was only one thing to do: call my mother. My mother is my cooking guru and I'm her slowest apprentice. She is always trying to give me tips on cooking that I always forget and I end up calling her when one of my failed cooking experiments go horribly wrong. So after calling her and getting some pointers, I was ready, let the baking begin!

I give you the one, the only, the uber gingerbread cake:


...oh and in case you were wondering, it tastes as good as it looks! YEAH! Hail me, for I am The Baker*.

*I highly recommend the movie by the way!

Obama's Appeal

I'm sure this was noted elsewhere before, but today I realised why Obama is so appealing as a presidential candidate. And no it's not his message of hope, charisma or the fact that he's a historic candidate. It's what he's not.

The current president was born to a wealthy family and a father who was himself a US president. Though a privileged child, I'm going to take a wild guess and say G.W.Bush was not a bright student. Just a hunch. Also as president he led the US into an extremely unpopular war and secured a historic low for himself when it comes to approval ratings as a US president. Enter Obama who was born into a simple family, with his father as a Kenyan immigrant. Though not as privileged as elpresidente currento, Obama turned out real good. A law degree from Yale, a place in the Senate and a couple of bestselling books he authored under his belt. As a politician he is against Bush's unpopular war in Iraq and he is for dialogue with nations that the current administration decided to pretend they don't exist, something that worked real well for G.W. when he was in 4th grade and couldn't get along with a gang of Syrian, Iranian and North Korean bullies.

So in short, Obama is simply the exact opposite of the buffoon who currently resides in 1600 Pennsylvania avenue!
*Fesh pauses for his dramatic revelation to sink in with the crowd... nothing.

Okay, okay, let's try a different approach, he's the one to bring balance to the Force?
*crowd bursts into cheers.

The Smalltalkers

I stopped smalltalking a long time ago. Just because we are waiting for the water to boil in a kitchenette does not justify someone asking me how my weekend was, at least for me. Of course, the smalltalkers would claim they are being nice and thoughtful and caring...bla bla bla. You know what I say? They lack self-confidence, the thought of standing there for 30 seconds with someone they don't know that much and NOT exchanging pleasantries is terrifying for them and they'll do anything to break that silence.

So, if your office swarms with the annoying smalltalkers here's the top 3 rude ways to get them to stop or at least to annoy them a bit:
1. Develop a short, cold reply for the typical smalltalk questions. Mine is: Good, Good.
2. Develop a gesture that is equivalent to 'Hi, how are you?', but since it's non-verbal it is not inviting for a conversation.
3. And that's the hardest one to do, never ask the same question back to the smalltalker. Smalltalkers, like parasites, are opportunists and if given the slightest chance for a conversation they'll jump on it and babel-on, until their coffee is ready and then they'll run of course.

Note: This post was inspired by Dipty's

Really?

I read this story today and I had some mixed feelings about it:

1. I was happy that environmental awareness is alive and well in Egypt.
2. I was sad that a chemical plant was 'discovered' after the construction already started? I am sure in Egypt's bureaucracy that there's a billion and one documents to be signed, didn't anyone discover that this plant can't be built that close to the city?
3. I was also sad of this selective environmental awareness, 90% of the cars in Damietta (I know, I was there once) leave behind them this black smoke cloud becuase their exhaust system was last checked in 1968. Why is it so easy to come out and protest others with a 'noble' message such as protecting the environment and not care about your car's impact?
4. I was deeply disturbed that for any issue to be resolved, the head of the Egyptian Parliament (and I assume the President too) need to get involved?! Isn't there a hierarchy of 13 trillion bureaucrats under the head of the Egyptian Parliament who could defuse such issue? Has the government turned into a crying baby who has to run to mummy whenever there's an issue?
   
5. I couldn't help my skepticism. Really? so Egyptians left the fact that Egypt's cities are one of the most polluted, the sectarian violence that is tearing us apart, the messed up economy, the skyrocketing unemployment, the "democratic kingdom" we have, the fact that ordinary people can't afford bread anymore and decided to marched against a petrochemical factory that's being built by a Canadian industry leader?

I'm not saying they shouldn't have come out to protest that factory, they should, they stood up for what they believe for and that's great. I'm just skeptic that the first protest I hear about from Damietta is about that and not the ever-increasing list of horrible things Egypt is facing.