Saturday, April 18, 2009

Hizballah & Traffic

I have been avidly following up the news about the discovery of a Hizballah cell in Egypt. The issue has the Arab (and Muslim) world divided into pro-Hizballah, pro-Hamas and pro-Iran camp and then the pro-Egypt camp. The Washington Institute for Near East Policy, a think tank, draws the bigger international picture of this issue and how Egypt might be trying to impact the way the US approaches Iran in a very interesting report.

Now, that's all scary and regional warsey and all, but it's entertaining too. You see, amid all of the rumbling in the Egyptian media, one cliche came to dominate. Everyone is now referring to Egypt's national security as a khat ahmar (a red line). I think we should have went with a totally different cliche and I'll tell you why. First, anyone who has ever been to the great city of elCairo knows that a. we don't have traffic lights b. when we do, they aren't working and c. if we have them and they are working, we don't really stop when it's red. That, in my opinion, takes away from the scariness of the color red. The cliche should have used black instead of red. After so many years of being waved to the curb by bodyguards of government officials whooshing by in black convoys, we fear black. There's always that urban legend of this one dude, who dared to get close by to The Black Convoy and was riddled with bullets. You don't want to be that guy, do you?

Second, what's with the 'line'? We don't like lines in elCairo. No one stays in their lane, no one queues and no one stops before the pedestrian crossing, you have to stop halfway thru it; that's how you show the pathetic pedestrians who's boss. But if we stay with the traffic metaphor for a second here, the cliche should have used the most notorious creature on the road: a microbus. We all fear the microbus and they know that we fear them, so it's their game, really. We know that you never cross a microbus, but a 'line'? bah.

So yeah, if tomorrow an official government statement said: Egypt's national security is a black microbus, a crazy, black microbus. I'd shit my pants. Seriously.


madwomaninatic said...

you cracked me up Fesh! seriously... but now that i visualize the black microbus... panic attack: hyperventilation, rapid heart beat, sweaty palms! HELP!!!!!

Feshfesh said...

God damn it woman!

*slap *slap

Never imagine The Black Microbus! Haven't you learned anything from Lord of the Rings? When you imagine It, It sees you and It can control you!!!

madwomaninatic said...


Fesh, run for your life and tell my story (tears streaming down Attic's muddy, filthy, scarred face as Fesh bends down to listen to her weakened whispering voice after she's fallen to the ground in the dark wastelands)

Feshfesh said...

*Fesh is faced with a dilemma, should he stay and save Attic or should he run like a little girl?

**Fesh runs.

madwomaninatic said...

i confess i haven;t checked your blog in ages (haven't been blogging much myself) but i have noted that your blogging activity has dropped significantly. my theory is you were bored in the frozen wastelands and now you're having a bit more fun here. am i right?

Feshfesh said...

Well, yeah, that's partly true. I started blogging in the Frozen Wastelands both out of boredom and the fact that there was SO many things to make fun of :D

But the thing is, I've been blogging much less since last summer actually, first, I was busy with lots of writing and then the move back to elCairo and the many things that are happening, which is kool!

3ayzein neget together, either we crash Maison De Munqy or do a movie/game nite!

diptychal said...

dude. even now you still have too much time on your hands.

Feshfesh said...

ssshhhhh!!! You're not supposed to out me like and expose to the world how lame I am!

So, went are we having our coffee?