Sliding Feshs

Have you noticed how we are always trying to catch up with something? Be it just waking up a bit late and trying to catch up with your morning routine: shower, breakfast, news ...etc. Or maybe during work when one call runs over another one. And off course, the dreaded run across Frankfurt's terminal to catch your connection, classic. The thing I don't understand is how this became hardwired into our brains. Just yesterday I left work at 7pm and as I was on the escalator going down to the Underground I heard the sound of the train approaching. At that sound a couple of folks behind me on the escalator started running down to make sure they catch the train.

Now take a step back, this definitely makes sense if were 8am and some of those folks don't want to be late for work. But it was 7pm and from the looks of those folks they all looked to me like respectable fellow corporate slaves who just got off work. I can understand that they want to make sure to spend more time with their family, but considering that the next train comes in 2 mins, do you really need to run and catch it, after some 11 hours of good old corporate whoopeshing?

Maybe it's just me, but you know what every now and then when I'm returning home, I 'miss' a train. It's my way of rewarding myself for all the other catching up I need to do everywhere else. What's the worse that could happen?

Smelly Fesh

So I have no hot water in my apartment since yesterday. Yeah, a pipe in the building broke and they are fixing it. It will take 2-3 more days to get fixed. If you see me and I smell funky you have been warned.

Oh, and this had to happen when it's already getting colder, so I'm already longing for a warm shower. Anywho, since I skipped shower today in the morning, I have to shower now. Cold water it is then, talk about ultra shrinkage :S

Shower Gel & Condoms

For years advertisers used sex appeal to grab our attention to the advertisement. Today I witnessed the next level, using sex appeal to make you buy their products. Today, I was buying a shower gel and I see an Adidas shower gel bottle, sleek and fully black, written on it:

TEAM FORCE

[Stimulating]

With Magnesium..

Needless to say, I bought it. Later on, I wondered if there is anything stimulating about a shower gel? Not to mention that instead of writing something like 'With Vitamin B5' they went with a more manly, heavy metal and probably poisonous metal like Magnesium. So yeah the big evil corporations finally broke into the complex male psyche, the golden rule is: Make the product you are selling sound like a lubricated condom.

...I guess it works.

The Bar Dilemma

A couple of weeks ago a friend of mine explained to me the Twelve Step program developed by Alcoholic Anonymous to help people get ride of their addictive habits. A key concept, he explained, is that the addiction is more powerful than you are and you have to admit this and basically try hard not to 'tempt or test yourself' when it comes to this addiction. This is very powerful, it's simply against everything else that you like to believe! Take smokers for example, most of them like to believe they can quite whenever they want, this program argues that they can't under their own will because they are weaker than the addiction.

This all came back to me today as I was brainstorming with a team on the preparation for a corporate training we are running. The corporate training aims at introducing some healthy habits in your daily routine like exercising regularly, drinking more water and drinking less or no alcohol. We were discussing the dinner and suddenly one person wondered: Does it make sense that we have an open bar, while we are trying to get people to drink less alcohol? Half the team agreed, while the other half argued that we are 'mature' enough to choose whether to drink or not.

If I had this discussion a month ago, I would have fully supported the 'mature'-side of the discussion, but if you apply this concept of not tempting or testing yourself, then we probably shouldn't have a bar, right? I know it's not an apples to apples comparison seeing that the folks we are running the training for are not alcoholics, but still as a principle, do you think we should:
A. Have the bar (since we're mature and therefore should have the choice)
B. Not have the bar (since we are weaker than our addiction and should not test or tempt ourselves).

The Mars Hoax

I must say I was evilly amused when I started seeing folks on Facebook signing up to all those 'events' that were created to witness the 'once-in-a-lifetime-opportunity' that's going to happen on the 27th of August. The so-called Mars Hoax which started circulating the Internet 4 years ago, about a close encounter between Mars and the Earth. This year it made its way as multiple Facebook events, instead of the usual email forward. Although the close encounter, back in 2003, is true, the hoax exaggerates the encounter by saying that Mars will be as big as the Moon in the sky on the 27th of August. Clearly BS.

What really amused me is the amount of people who are 'attending' these events. One event had around 15,000 attendees! It's amusing right? It's so much easier to accept an invitation and trust the random dude who sent it to you, instead of spending 2 seconds to Google it. After all, this dude is, for sure, more credible then NASA:
http://science.nasa.gov/headlines/y2007/21aug_hurtlingtomars.htm

The idiocy of the Facebookians amuses me.

*You have to imagine me sitting on a big leather chair, looking at little Facebookians running around clueless like hamsters in a small glass box. I should look like Mr. Burns from the Simpsons.*

I Want To Believe

I wasn't abducted before, but I firmly believe that alien life forms exist. Why? Well on Earth we have life forms (e.g. bacteria) living in very hostile conditions like under kilometers of sea water or high-up on mount Everest. This, along with the fact that everyday we discover a couple of more "Earth-like" planets half the way across the universe is an enough proof for me that statistically it's very probable that somewhere on the other side of the universe there are some bacteria living in a water pond, maybe even as close as Europa!

The part with little green men in silver jumpsuits landing in secret is the one I hate. Let's be honest to ourselves, if aliens ever find us first there are only two likely outcomes: A. We build a very successful interplanetary economic relationship. B. They eliminate us. Let's take a simpler example, during the last couple of thousands of years we had very different civilizations on Earth come in contact with each other and the outcome was always one of the two above. China, Greece and Egypt have enjoyed periods of flourishing economic cooperation. While the Spanish empire managed to wipe out most several civilizations in it's conquest to colonize the New World. History doesn't tell us of "sightings" of Greeks in fancy white robes riding a circular horse-drawn wagon who regularly abducted Chinese people in the 3rd century B.C. and anally probing them later, right?

Will the Fesh lose his luggage?

For a long time I was contemplating whether to blog about this or not. It's simple, if I blog about it I am probably going to jinx it............hmm..........no risk no fun I guess? Okay, over may many travels I have never lost my luggage. And I don't mean lost as in it never got back to me, I mean lost as in I never waited at the belt and the luggage didn't come!

Yeah I guess I'm lucky, especially that I travel quite often. So, this time when I was coming to elCairo I chose to fly Austrian Airlines although it has only 30 min connection time in Vienna. Most of my colleagues who flew Austrian to Warsaw did lose their luggage! Against all warnings, I decided what the hell, if I am ever to lose my luggage I want to know about it! (I am messed up in the head).

So here I am sitting at the lounge at Cairo Airport after I checked in my luggage, and just in all honesty I did ask the hot chikita at the check-in counter to put a 'priority' tag on my bag. So what do you think, let's get the voting going will it be:

A. I will get my luggage normally at the belt in Warsaw.
B. I will lose my luggage, but it will come on the next flight.
C. I will lose my luggage for good?

Leaving elCairo...again

It's been almost a year and a half since I left elCairo for Warszawa. In hindsight, I think it's one of those decisions that changed me forever. Before heading of to Warszawa, my life was very classical. Born in elCairo and studied there, lived with my family, worked in elCairo and had fun with my friends...uh...here in elCairo. Now with the move, everything changed, I needed to get used to living alone, making new friends, getting accustomed to a new culture, language ...etc.

Off course I learned a lot of things, and I am still learning but the one thing that really amazed me and still does is how my home sickness grows, exponentially, every time I come back. Everytime I come back, I dread the day I'm going to leave. The day I leave my friends and family and go back to leaving in my 'spacious' apartment back in Warszawa. The day I stop doing random non-sensecal plans, like heading to elfishawy cafe at 4am and start planing to attend house parties 2 weeks in advance. The day I leave elCairo, that is today.

SPIDER PIG

SPIDER PIG

SPIDER PIG

Does whatever a SPIDER PIG does

Can he swing

From a web

No he cant

He's a pig

LOOK OOOUUUTTT!!!!

He is a SPIDER PIG!!

(I have it as an MP3 too)

My 100th Post!

It's my 100th post! very exciting! It's been a year since I started blogging already and I thought of celebrating my 100th post by awarding some fake awards to my previous posts, here goes:


Most worrying post co-awarded to: Be afraid & The Orwellian Side of Me
Most Polska-specific post awarded to: Itdependance
Most ego-centric post awarded to: The Feshfactor
Most post likely to be featured as a motion picture awarded to: Angry Demons
Most weird post awarded to: The B.E.F.
Most funny post awarded to: Inferior Teristial Beings
Best psychotic series awarded to: The Simpsons Countdown (T-10/T-9/T-8/T-7/T-6/T-5/T-4/T-3/T-2/T-1/T)
Best Dilbert-style post awarded to: Behold a new Species
Best collaborative post awarded to: Battle Plans

This year's Best post, by popular demand, is awarded to: My Bed


Thank you and pls stay tuned for 2008's awards to be announced August 2008.

I Have Never..

...worn a bra.
* all girls drink, eh.. I kinda take a sip too.

...paid for sex.
*I drink, no one else does (yeah right!)

Since we apply a strict 'no details' rule for this drinking game, it was alright to share since no one would ever know the details. The night took an interesting turn however when we switched to Spin the Bottle, oh man there's alot of dirt on everyone by that time. Me likey :)

Fesh, I am Your Father....

So a friend of mine got just got this uber home theater and we wanted to put it to the test. We kept thinking about the ULTIMATE movie marathon to initiate the home theater with. Lord of the Rings came up, but I objected seeing that I am in the middle of the second book right now and don't want to spoil it. I pushed for an ultimate Rocky marathon, but surprisingly the idea was shot down. Finally we agreed to watch Star Wars, or as the nerdy dude at the DVD store called it: The Holy Trilogy.

It was very interesting that after a couple of beers and midway thru The Empire Strikes Back we were intrigued by Darth Vader's ability to choke people using the "Force" yet without touching them. Seemed like a very kool way to kill someone. Later we were blown away by the fact that Darth Vader could do the same remotely! One of the guys wondered loudly if having such a capability "Remotely Choking to Death" as a nice colorful button on our internal Instant Messaging tool at work, was a good idea. Off course we can tone it down like maybe make it send a 3-second electric shock to the other person or something, but other than that sign me up.

hmmm.... maybe nerdy sci-fi movies and beer is not a good combination after all?

Feshtoid # 5269

Today I learned that 80% of all women in Egypt wear the hijab (i.e. cover their hair with the Islamic head scarf). Seeing that Christians are 10% of the population, this means that 50% of all women without hijab are statistically Christian. I found that very interesting, because as a teenager all my Muslim friends used to tease me that I have 1 in 10 chance of the girl being Christian, now with the hijab factor in I have 1 in 2 chance!

I don't know why I'm blogging about this, it's not like I meet random girls all the time and I have a need to determine their religion! It's just something that I was teased so much about while growing up and I was happy to hear this statistic. Yes, teenage Fesh is still alive in me.

But in all fairness I think my calculation is biased, seeing that this number is over total population and my guess is that the hijab penetration is much higher with certain socio-economic classes and also in specific areas. So probably if you factor that in, probably folks I mingle with would be more at 50% hijab penetration, which means statistically I have a 1 in 5 chances.... ah crap .......back to square one :S

Hail Our Googilian Overlords

Someone is telling you about a movie and you want to check the reviews, typically you'd do the following:
1. Type www.imdb.com in your browser address bar.
2. Wait for main page for IMDB to load.
3. Search for the location of the search box (they change it every few weeks to confuse us).
4. Type the movie name you're looking for.
5. Wait for results page (Did you notice that there's always multiple results?... and NO I don't mean the TV series form 1950's called Batman!)
6. Pick the movie you are looking for from list.
7. Wait for page to load.

I've stopped doing that a few months back, thanks to our overlords at Google. I discovered the ultimate trio: a. Google toolbar b. The colon operator c. The I'm Feeling Lucky button. Those 3 if used wisely can mean you do not need to navigate to any site anymore, here's how:
1. Type into the Google toolbar: website name : keyword
2. Hit I'm Feeling Lucky button
3. Wait for exact page you want to load.

For example, if you want to look something up on Wikipedia you simply need to type:
wiki: WWII
A movie on IMDB?
imdb: The Simpsons
Check the latest weather?
weather.com: Cairo

This is very kool specially if you are a fellow nerd who longs to the ugly, incompetent DOS command-line or the seductive, all-mighty Linux shell....*PING*.

The Iron Fesh

So I started going regularly to the Gym as of the beginning of the month. You know, one of those very late New Year resolutions. On my first day, I show up early ready for some serious gyming. The instructor gives me the whole routine: 30 mins running followed by some weightlifting. I finish the running part feeling on top of the world and then I go to the instructor who hands me two 5Kg dumbbells and asks me to do two sets of 20 counts. I do 5 counts. The instructor seems to understand that maybe I am not ready yet, so he replaces 5Kg dumbbells with 4KG ones, same drill 2x20. I do 10 counts......

The instructor clearly amused now with my incompetence waits for a girl, who is literally half my size, to finish exercising with 3Kg dumbbells and then hands them to me. I do 15 counts.

I should be ashamed of myself... I know.

The Simpsons

IT. IS. HERE.
*Mental Orgasm*
*Fesh dies



I'll get to see it next week GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

The Simpsons-1

Question: What's the difference between a hardcore Simpsons fan and a psychotic fan?


Answer: A hardcore fan would anticipate the release of the movie and attend the premier, a psychotic fan would instead start a creepy, serial-killerish-type countdown on his blog that would expose many dark secrets about him. In doing so the psychotic fan would lose both his self-respect and his tiny reader base.


Still, IT WAS TOTALLY WORTH IT... it begins tomorrow: 27.07.07

The Simpsons-2

Question: What's the difference between a hardcore Simpsons fan and a psychotic fan?

Answer: A hardcore fan would have seen all 400 episodes of The Simpsons, a psychotic fan would have seen all of them, at least 6 times each.

The Simpsons-3

Question: What's the difference between a hardcore Simpsons fan and a psychotic fan?

Answer: A hardcore fan would have some Simpsons merchandise, a psychotic fan will have his very own own Homer doll, even if this psychotic fan is a 26 years old homophobic dude.

The Simpsons-4

Question: What's the difference between a hardcore Simpsons fan and a psychotic fan?

Answer: A hardcore fan would be familiar with a Flaming Moe, a psychotic fan would have tried to mix it at home (liquor + cough syrup + cigarette ash) and -probably- been hospitalized after trying it.

The Simpsons-5

Question: What's the difference between a hardcore Simpsons fan and a psychotic fan?

Answer: A hardcore fan would be familiar with the 400+ different characters on the Simpsons, a psychotic fan would have his own. I give you: FeshFesh

courtesy of http://www.simpsonizeme.com (thanks Aku!)

The Simpsons-6

Question: What's the difference between a hardcore Simpsons fan and a psychotic fan?

Answer: A hardcore fan would know that Homer was made an honorary citizen of Winnipeg, Canada on May 30, 2003, a psychotic fan would know his social security number.

The Simpsons-7

Question: What's the difference between a hardcore Simpsons fan and a psychotic fan?

Answer: A hardcore fan would off course know Moleman's lesser known first name: Hans, a psychotic fan would be able to distinctively remember at least 10 different situations when Hans was killed off the show, Kenny-style.

The Simpsons-8

Question: What's the difference between a hardcore Simpsons fan and a psychotic fan?

Answer: A hardcore fan would know at least 15 of Homer's jobs, a psychotic fan would be able to recite all of Homer's jobs in alphabetical order in under 2 mins. All 118 of them.

The Simpsons-9

Question: What's the difference between a hardcore Simpsons fan and a psychotic fan?

Answer: A hardcore fan would have read The Gospel According to The Simpsons, a psychotic fan would consider it blasphemous to contradict it at church.

The Simpsons-10

Question: What's the difference between a hardcore Simpsons fan and a psychotic fan?

Answer: A psychotic fan is sexual aroused by the mere thought of The Simpsons Movie opening up in 10 days, while a hardcore fan is not.

The BEF's Secret Wish

We BEF brothers spend a great deal of our time in airports and specifically in security lines, last time I was in Frankfurt I had to:
1. Pass my check-in luggage thru an x-ray machine before I even got my boarding pass.
2. Pass a security point where my cabin baggage was x-rayed, my laptop sniffed and turned on.
3. Pass yet another security point on my way to the gate. This check-point didn't have a metal detector so the security guard had to ask each and every passenger to spread their hands and legs and he scanned them with a mobile metal detector.

I have to go thru this every time I am traveling, so technically I invest around 4-5 hours a month, each month in security lines. I do this gracefully and I never ask for anything in return. Yet deep inside me, and deep inside every Brother we all wish for this one time, just one time...

It's a crowded European Airport, crowded security line, it's raining outside. Appears like there is some disturbance at the front of the line, one passenger is refusing to take off his shoes. There is some yelling, can't make out what they are saying, suddenly the passenger hits the security guard with his carry-on bag and dashes to the nearest emergency exit. All at once the hall is flooded by security guards who are running after the alleged "shoe-bomb" terrorist, they are yelling something, seems they are giving him a waring ...*BANG* *BANG* the pursuit is over.

We BEF Brothers carry this dark and terrible wish within us every time we fly. Wishing that one day, all the time we invested in the security of the planes we fly in will pay out. The feeling that maybe today is the day this scenario unfolds keeps us going from Plane to Gate to Plane....everyday.

You've Been Tagged

I have recently begged my way into being tagged by nilegirl to complete this Sports Meme. Basically the way it works is that you answer those questions about yourself and then tag a few of your friends and they do the same. So here goes:
1. What is your sport?
This is a tough one, since I'm your standard issue couch potato. But in the Elder Days I used to play different sports:
School: Football
University: Badminton.
Work: Foosball.
2. Why do you like this one?
Well specifically for Badminton I think what I love about it is that it's very much like Tennis on slow motion. So whenever I watch those Wimbledon matches I am really amazed by how those dudes are running over and changing the ball direction and all that. Since in Tennis I can't do that, I opt to play badminton so that I CAN.
3. How long are you doing this for?
I played Badminton in University for around 2 years with my buddy: Pigeon. (I know, but that's another post).
4. Most painful experience.
This one is from my football-playing days, actually it's your typical football story: Free kick, not looking at the ball, ball approaches the speed of light and *BAM* .... sheer pain... and yeah it didn't hit me in the face if you were wondering...
5. Most memorable experience.
Well I guess the ball in the nuts is definitely memorable but on a more happier note 2 years ago I organized a Foosball Summer tournament at work. I had 14 teams participate, each composed of 2 players. My most memorable experience is that we made it to the FINAL game and the way we played it is that we played best out of 5 sets. So basically the team that got 3 sets won. So we lose the first set and then we have an amazing come-back winning two consecutive sets. So at the score of 2-1 the other team's captain called for a break and we never continued this game. Strange right? BUT if you consider that the other team's captain was my boss AND that after he called for the break he -probably- went to bathroom and cried like a 6-year old girl and later on avoided to continue the game at all costs it becomes very interesting :D
(6. Add tall tale or new question to Meme. So I guess I'll add a question)
6. Worst sport ever?
Wrestling, something about a dude in spandex trying to pin another spandex-claded dude to the ground in what seems like a popular sexual position is just not right. Yes I'm a homophob.
7. Tag 3 or 4 people.
hmmmm... okay so seeing I don't have a lot of readers here I'll start with tagging Forsooth and Munqy and anyone else who wants to be tagged just yell: I'm a little piggy oink oink.

How to Make a "Bomb"

Ingredients:
1 water melon
1 bottle of vodka
10 crazy straws
10 tea spoons

Instructions:
1. Slice off the top of the melon, just enough to have a hole 4cm in diameter.
2. Use a spoon to cut the reddish part of the melon into little pieces.
3. Empty vodka inside the melon, stir lightly.
4. Put sliced top back on.
5. Put back in fridge for a couple of hours.

Serving Recommendation:
Remove top, insert crazy straws and encourage guests to eat the melon pieces with the tea spoons. The "Bomb" is most potent if severed when everyone is already drunk.

Dose:
Adults are encouraged not to try the "Bomb". It's a Machiavellian device that first lures you to suckle on the sweet juices and the sugary melon pieces that have been dipped in the best vodka there is and then 15 mins later hits you.

Disclaimer:
If it's your birthday and your friends offer you a toast and you don't have a drink at hand... do not, I repeat do not pick up the "Bomb" and drink from all 5 straws. Serious hang-over...ugh...

Happy FeshDay

Historical speaking, The Day of the Fesh has been first celebrated by the ancient Egyptians in the year 5007 BC. Now, almost 7000 years later the whole world still celebrates the 7th day of the 7th month of the 7th year of every millennium, in pop culture it became known as: FeshDay.

If you ask me, I think the whole thing is just too much publicity. I don't need all that attention at the time being..... I know, I know... it's very flattering that the ancient Egyptians foresaw my coming and prophesied about it and kept on celebrating the day for thousands of years, but at the end of the day I'm just an ordinary man. Maybe with a very kool birthday (07.07.07).... but still an ordinary man just like the rest of you ordinary mortals.

Anyways Happy FeshDay.